Page 84 of Restrained

“So you forced him on that boat?”

“In a way. Yes.”

“Nah, fuck that.” I take her hand and walk her outside, where it’s warm, despite it being a fall evening. “Look, Penelope. I don’t know the whole story, and I don’t know if I’d ever have the balls to say this to any of his siblings, but you’remysibling.”

She looks at me with quiet curiosity. All I want to do is help her through this.

“He made that choice. He got on that boat. He drank. That’s not on any of you. Everyone makes him seem like a fucking saint.”

“He was,” she interjects.

“He was a man—barely.” I look in her eyes, not wanting to hurt her, but I think they all could use an outside perspective. “He was under pressure. He fucked up. He slept with someone else.” That is a fact, considering Baz is here. “He felt like shit, and he did a very human thing. And it is so fucking sad that he died, but that isn’t on any of you. You can’t keep living with this guilt.”

“Colt never made mistakes. I pushed him to?—”

“Sleep with someone else. How?”

She folds her arms, pissed at me for spouting the truth, and I get it. “He wanted to be perfect, and he snapped.”

“And that’s your fault?”

“No.”

“I’m being a dick about going back to Kansas, but it’s smart. You’re right. He should be part of your wedding. You guys need that closure. All of you. Because it sounds like you all loved him, and he loved you. And it’s shitty that he can’t actually be here.” I pull her in for a hug, wrapping my arms around her, being here for her in a way I couldn’t when we were growing up, but that I imagine I would have been. “And we are going to party. And celebrate. Because you are loved, Penelope. And you deserve to be.”

I’m surprised to feel tears on my chest, but I just hold onto her as she sobs into my shirt, her words muffled. “Why did she have to take you away from me?”

“Technically, that was the state of Kansas.”

Her cry turns to quiet laughter as she looks up at me, her mascara slightly smudged. “Lola’s right. You’re kind of funny.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m glad you’re here. I have no idea how any of this was possible, but I'm really glad you’re in my life now.”

“Me too. And I’m not going anywhere.”

She smiles and squeezes me before shoving me away. “I was happy tonight, you dick.”

“You’re the one who brought up Slate.” I smile back at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and walking her back inside the hotel.

“Hayden?”

We barely make it through the doors before she stops. “Will you give me away tomorrow? You know, since I'm a bastard child and all?”

I roll my eyes, pulling her tighter to me and laughing as I shake my head at this girl I didn’t know even a year ago, but I’ve finally gotten to know over the past few months. She’s moody and smart. Funny and caring. She’s everything my mother wasn’t, and I'm lucky to know her.

Tomorrow, I’m walking her down that aisle, but I'm never giving her away.

36

LOLA

Snow.

It’s snowing on Lincoln and Penelope’s wedding day.

I stare out the large picture window of the lake house, watching the fat, fluffy snowflakes fall on to the lake. My gorgeous dress is dark red with lacey sleeves and a skirt gracing the ground. My hair is down and curled.

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