Page 57 of Restrained

“You were as much as you could be. That’s not on you.”

“I’m the oldest.”

He laughs and hugs me tighter. “You think being the oldest makes you immune?”

I shake my head slowly, trying not to let all my feelings crush me. “I was supposed to protect you, and I didn’t. I don’t know what that time with Mom was like.”

He tenses. “It wasn’t your battle. You were dealing with your own shit, Lola. I don’t blame you. You deserve to be happy even if that means going through some pain to get to it.”

I think about Hayden and how upset he looked. How desperate he was for me to come inside and talk to him, but I refused.

“I’m stubborn.”

He laughs. “You’re a Sterling.”

I pull away and turn to look at my little brother, only seeing a sickening ache in his eyes and demeanor. “I have to go.”

“Okay. You okay though?” He looks suspicious, and after earlier, I can’t blame him.

“Yeah. I just...” I sigh. “I think you’re right. Maybe I try to shield the people I love and myself a little too much. And I don’t want to miss out on something that’s possibly great.”

“Well, I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, but you’re one of the smartest people I know. So go ahead.”

I ruffle his hair and kiss the top of his head before dashing to my car. My heels are filled with sand and uncomfortable, so I kick them off once I’m in the car. I drive barefoot back to Hayden.

When I get there, I leave my heels in the car and run to his front door, ringing the doorbell and not caring how late it is.

He doesn’t answer, and my chest squeezes tightly in my chest.

Please be here.

I knock on the door and then ring the doorbell again. Desperate to talk to him. Hoping I didn’t screw it all up.

I’m still angry, but I don’t want to take the easy way out and bail without talking to him.

“Please answer.”

“Lola?”

I turn to my right at the sound of Hayden’s voice. He’s outside. He has a shirt on now along with his sweats, and my heart hurts enough to make me cringe when I see his swollen eye.

“What are you doing here?”

I leave his porch and walk to meet him as he comes from the backyard. “I wanted to hear your side.”

He looks stunned, rubbing the sexy stubble of his jaw with his hand as he studies me closely.

He probably thinks I'm completely insane.

25

HAYDEN

Lola is here. Standing in front of me. It feels like a dream, like maybe I'm just overworked and tired. After earlier, I never thought I’d see her again.

“I didn’t think you’d come back.”

She looks sullen and tired, her pretty face full of so many expressions. “I probably shouldn’t have. Penelope...” She bites her bottom lip nervously. “She’s my best friend, and you lied.”

---