Page 56 of Restrained

“I . . .” I don’t know what to believe.

She’s angry, and I can’t blame her. Penelope grew up in hell. Her mother was terrible and treated her so awfully that Penelope never had a good experience with her actual blood-related family.

“I’m going home. I’m glad you’re okay, but he is not my brother.”

Linc looks sympathetically at me as she takes off toward their house, and I nod at him to follow her, which he does.

I go back to my patio and take a seat, staring at the ocean, seriously feeling pain in my hand now.

When I hit him, he looked hurt but not physically, and I feel sick.

“You’re home.”

I turn when I see Asher come out of the door that I didn’t even hear open. He takes a seat next to me, and I barely move. “I am.”

“Good. They were all losing their fucking minds.”

“I didn’t mean to scare anyone.”

He laughs. “I wasn’t scared. Maybe scared for whoever you were going after.”

A smile tugs at my lips. “You still hate me?”

I lay my head on his shoulder, and he doesn’t push me away. “I can’t believe you talked her into leaving, but I'm glad Baz has a safe place to live.”

“You really think you guys had a healthy arrangement?”

“It was ours to figure out, Lola. At least I had Baz there with me.”

I know how much he loves Baz. And I know it ripped his heart out when Viv moved. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.” I turn to look at his face, and he isn’t joking. But he isn’t all that angry either. “You want to fix everything,Lola. You always have. You’ve put your own life on hold, trying to fix all of us, and it isn’t your place.”

I swallow, my throat feeling dry. “I wasn’t there when I should have been.”

“You mean when you were a teenager? And when you were in college? It wasn’t your place to fix us then either.”

“You guys are my life.”

He shakes his head and wraps an arm around me, pulling me close. “We’re siblings. Always. You’ll always be my big sister, but that doesn’t mean that you can control our outcomes. Or that you can save us from pain.”

“That’s all you and Viv were causing each other.”

“Right before she left, yeah. But it was our pain to experience. Can’t be afraid of a little agony.”

My eyebrow lifts. “Shouldn’t you be terrified of that? Avoid pain at all costs. I mean, we’ve had so much of it already.”

“Pain is inevitable. And I’ve felt plenty of it, but nothing like the day I hugged Baz goodbye and watched him leave.”

“I’m so sorry.” It’s a strangled whisper. And I am. “For the record, I still hope you’ll move here someday. Soon.”

He laughs like that’s ridiculous. “So you can continue to manage every situation? No thanks.”

“You make me sound like a monster.”

“You’re a control freak, Lola, but it’s not malicious. You just care way too damn much.”

“I don’t want to see you in pain. I should have been there after...” I still can’t say his name, and I fight the cry that bubbles up in my throat. I want to scream. I should be able to say his name. “I should have been there. I knew Mom wasn’t dealing. I knew you were having to step up, and I wasn’t there.”

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