Page 106 of Damaged

Freeze this frame. Now hang it on the wall of every boardroom.

What is the price of what I have? Before Sophia, it was my time and, in certain moments, my sanity.

But now…

“Hello?” Kim says on the other line. “James? Hello?”

Now it’s this.

Sophia dining alone. Across from sits an empty place at the table. How many nights will she spend like this?

That is now the price of all this power.

Sophia

I do my very best to not be upset with James leaving. I understand why he must. I was a little nervous that he may have been letting work slide while spending the week with me.

Hewasstill working. I’d wake in the middle of the night to find his side of the bed cold.

The one time I went looking for him, I saw him hunched over his computer with a glass of scotch in one hand.

But I figure he wasn’t working to the extent one needs to as the CEO of a billion-dollar company. Now it seems like he realized he’s been sinking and is going to have to go into overdrive to keep things afloat.

I turn the music up to try to minimize the void of his absence, but I end up with a headache and just sit in silence and drink my red wine like a lonely housewife.

This is no life for me, either. If James is working, I need to be, too. But the gallery is shut down for months. First there’s the investigation. Then the entire front needs remodeling after being driven through. James could expedite it with money, but it’s not a priority.

I finish my one glass and pour the rest of the bottle down the drain to make a point.

I’ll do something ambitious in the morning. Like going on a hike by myself, at first light. But for now, I shower and go to bed early.

I don’t sleep well when James isn’t here. Suffice to say I don’t reach my ambitions.

I sleep in. I do end up hiking. But it’s ten in the morning before I’m in the woods, and something about it feels off.

It’s a weekday, and the trail is empty except for me. This should feel like a luxury, but instead I feel like I’ve skipped class one too many days in a row. I feel like a bum.

Like someone who’s not contributing to society, because that’s exactly what I’m doing.

It’s been a week. I don’t need any more time to recover from the heist. I’ve been a little jumpier than usual, but so far, no nightmares.

My bruises have faded, and it’s time I find out what my job looks like. I’m done at the gallery when it’s reopened.

James agreed—if we’re dating, we need to sever all professional ties. I was already unemployed, but that fact hasn’t really hit until today.

When I get home, I try not to watch TV. I read instead but find myself checking my phone. I know it’s coming, but my shoulders still sink when I get the text.

James:Work is a little crazy. I don’t think I can make it back Upstate for a while. Best if you come back to the city. I talked to building management, and we can both use the service door until the paparazzi are gone.

I don’t respond immediately. It’s right that I get back to the city, but it also feels like I’m being violently shaken back into reality.

I can hear the car horns and sirens already. New York. Where our relationship will actually be tested as we adjust to busy schedules. I know it will be fine, but I can’t help but feel like I’ve been at practice and the actual game is about to start.

It will be the same. Same great sex. Same banter. Same growing love.

Nothing, whatsoever, to worry about.

I fly commercial back to New York. Taking a private plane for forty-five minutes feels ridiculous. Plus, that’s the kind of rich person behavior I make fun of. And while I’m sure I’m destined to become somewhat of a hypocrite if I join the one percent, I don’t plan to start so early.

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