Page 35 of Not By the Playbook

Maybe I should feel guilty for leading her on, but right this moment I can’t make myself give a shit. I plant my hands in my pockets to keep from wiping my mouth clean.

It is Becs’s taste I want to recall. The kiss earlier, when she found out about the job—that can’t be the last kiss we ever share.But it was, dumbass.

I only got one small glimpse of Rebecca’s face before walking out of the club. God, that expression of hurt in her eyes—it will be emblazoned in my brain forever.

Self-loathing coats my insides. My shoulders drop, but the tension in my head only thickens. I rub my temples and take a deep breath. I could go home. But there’s no way I’m putting myself in a space where Jenna can rip my head off. Hell, I want to rip my own head off.

My eyes catch on the sign of the seedy-looking bar across the street.

Stale cigarette smoke greets me. It melds with the scent of nachos and chicken wings. The floor is littered with peanut shells. I head straight to a stool in the corner, avoiding all interested eyes.

The bartender comes up to me, “What’ll you have?”

“Tequila.”

Might as well celebrate. Mission accomplished. Becs’s mission anyway. And all that progress with Jenna? Blown to fuck.

What did you think would happen, asshole?Not this, that’s for sure. I had started to think that maybe a relationship with Becs was exactly what I needed. Not to impress Jenna or my family, but to fill a hole I didn’t even realize was there.

A shot glass with amber liquid is placed before me. I down it and sputter. I’m grateful for the burning disinfectant.

“Another.”

I thump my chest with my fist a couple of times after choking down the next shot.

“Again.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and bring my head to my hands. I pride myself on my ability to read people, but Becs totally blindsided me. She should have gotten into acting instead of trying for a corporate job. For a second, I thought shewasjealous at the bar, that she didn’t want another woman all over me, that she actually felt something more.Sucker.

Oh, I know the attraction was real, there was no faking the chemistry between us. It only grew after that first night. But was the sex just a diversion to pass the time? My stomach lurches.

Should have realized it was all about Jenna and the job.

I wasn’t what she wanted. There was no point dragging things out if she couldn’t trust me, but like a fool, I thought that I could alter our course.

It’s useless trying to change someone’s opinion. There was no point in coming up with a plan to make her fall for me. Plans don’t work out. Even with the best playbook to go by, there are no guarantees.

Chapter Twenty-One

Monday

BECS

The overcast skythreatens rain on Monday morning. My entrails are in knots. Not because I am nervous about the new job. Right now, I can’t make myself give a shit about the position I have weaseled my way into. My reflection in the elevator on the way to the fifth floor of McCann’s midtown office shows I’m perfectly put together—black wrap dress with sleeves down to my wrists, black patent leather pumps, discreet makeup layered over a mound of concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes.

I square my shoulders when I’m escorted into the conference room for the new employee orientation. Four others are present, two women and two men, all from different departments. Pasting on a fake smile, I introduce myself.This is it—adulting. Gainful employment.

Once we settle, a representative from HR distributes copies of the employee handbook and walks us through it, page by page. I study the woman presenting the company policy on fraternization and sexual harassment. It’s the same one I will deliver to new hires in two weeks. My outfit is almost an exact replica of hers, even my hair is in the same tight bun. I rub my fingers along my temple to ease the tension and note some mental pointers.

Smile, but keep things professional.

Keep it to the business at hand.

Stay calm, but not stiff.

I zone out a few times, my attention on the rain beating against the floor to ceiling window panes.

When the hour-long presentation ends, Jenna joins us to give the closing remarks. “Welcome to McCann. We are extremely pleased to have you here. We know the interview process was rigorous, but the hard work is only getting started. Our group is here to support you, make you as successful as you can be.” She tells us more about the company mission before concluding with, “We value honesty and integrity in all our staff.”

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