Page 42 of Saving You Losing Me

There are many memories here and it’s a hard task but a necessary one. In three days’ time we move to The Darkside and then life really begins for me, Clara and my friends. Diesel, Razor and Billy. We are the founder members of The Dark Angels and will live life as a club—a family and more than that it will be a place I finally belong and will count for everything.

Tanya wanders in bleary-eyed and looking as fucked as always and groans.

“What time is it?”

“Lunchtime. Late night again?”

“It’s always a late night. “

She flicks on the coffee pot. “Want one?”

“Sure.”

I carry on boxing up and she glances around and smiles, a sad smile that catches me off guard. “I’m gonna miss this place.”

“I thought you hated it.” I state the fucking obvious because she hasn’t stopped moaning about it since the day we moved in.

“Hate is a strong word, Atom and no, I don’t hate it, more what it represents.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Normality. Suburban life and the suppressor of ambition and dreams.”

She shrugs. “Don’t you want more, Atom? Have you ever looked at the stars and thought they are so close that if you reached a little higher, you may just catch one?”

“It’s called ambition and yes, I have that and it’s happening.”

“I’m not talking about a business that only earns enough for you to scrape by. I’m talking about extreme wealth that opens up the world. It gives you choices, takes you to places you never dreamed of and hands you opportunities beyond your wildest dreams. Why can’t I dream big, Atom, because I come from aplace like this? Why not me?”

If anything, a surge of sympathy hits me because Tanya is striving for something that will probably never happen. She is a stripper and God only knows what else and lady luck has a habit of looking elsewhere to bestow her luck.

I say gruffly, “This ain’t Pretty Woman, Tanya. This is reality and if you want those things you won’t find them dancing on some guy’s lap while he stuffs dollar bills down your thong. This ain’t the movies, and fate has a habit of dealing people like us the wild card.”

“But those men are out there, Atom. They come into the club in their fancy clothes, wearing wristwatches that cost more than this house. It only takes one of them to take a shine to me and become my ticket out of here.”

“You think?” I raise my eyes because I never had my sister down as a fool and she shrugs. “I’m not saying they’ll marry me or make me a respectable woman, but they may take a shine to me and offer me an apartment somewhere fancy. I could travelwith them; be a live-in lover if you like and who knows, I may get lucky and score the jackpot. It happens.”

If anything, I’m sad that is Tanya’s dream. To gain wealth this way and be used. She’s a pretty girl, but the way she uses drugs, her looks will soon fade and the help she needs isn’t more of the same.

“How’s the new job going?” I change the subject to get her to open her eyes to the reality of her situation and her eyes shine.

“It’s way better than Singles. Michael runs it differently. It’s more upmarket, there is tight security, and the clientele is respectable. No low lives get their kicks in The Starlight Club. They couldn’t even afford the membership fee. The tips are outstanding and the men know how to treat a woman and Emilio D’Angelo is hard but fair. He takes no shit from anyone and I feel safe there.”

“I’m glad you’re happy.” I tape up the box and reach for the coffee.

She raises her eyes. “I can’t detect the sarcasm. What’s up, Atom, is your new woman having an effect on you already?”

She grins as a huge smile breaks out across my face at the mention of Clara, and I nod. “Stranger things have happened.” I grin. “You know, Tanya, we fight like cat and dog, but you’re all the family I have left outside of non-blood ones. I care for you, despite the way we go at one another and I want you to be happy. Safe and happy, so if you ever have any cause to ask for my help, it’s always there.”

I’m shocked when her eyes fill with tears and she moves around the table and drops down before me, reaching out and hugging me hard.

As my arms fold around my sister, I cling on tight because moments like this happen once in a rare moon. Family. God help us. We can’t choose them but we love them despite everything and as I cling onto my sister, I will never forget this momentbecause no matter what happens between us, I will always love her.

My afternoon is spentin much the same way and around five I get a text from Clara asking me to meet her on the corner of her street.

I don’t need asking twice and hop on my bike, hoping for another evening like the last one.

Clara is fast becoming my world and despite the fact college is beckoning, we will get through the separation. Two hours riding is no hardship and I will be there for her whenever she needs me.

---