Page 84 of Under an Endless Moon

I rocked my head back on the headrest, eyes going closed as I struggled through the emotions that gripped me.

Guilt.

Shame.

Determination.

A war of confusion that raged.

Every time I closed my eyes, I kept seeing the blood spilled across the floor and across my hands.

Halfway back to Moonlit Ridge, I’d stopped at a dingy motel and rented a room so I could take a shower and get a few hours’sleep. Thinking it would be enough to wash the evidence away, only the dishonor had hunted me right back to this place.

I lifted the bottle again and swallowed a mouthful.

It left a path of fire, flames in my guts and ashes in my spirit.

I forced the jagged puffs of air through my nose as I sat there searching for everything I was missing.

Like I was going to find redemption.

Forgiveness.

Like I could ever make amends when my crew found out what I’d done behind their backs.

The lies I’d been telling.

I squeezed my eyes closed as visions flashed, but I was unable to block the horror of them out.

Running into that room that night so long ago. Blood splattered everywhere. The two people I loved most in this world mangled. Discarded like trash where they’d been left on the floor.

Raven barely breathing.

And Haddie…

Haddie…

I gasped through the blade of agony that speared through my chest, and I pulled the bottle back to my lips, sucked it down before I muttered, “One left, Haddie. One monster left.”

I’d wanted to be the one who’d taken out all seven of them. Wanted to be the one who’d enacted this revenge.

The first four had gotten lucky and had been taken out by a rival MC back in LA. I still wanted to rage when I thought about the way it’d gone down. The night I’d hunted all seven of them. The night they all should’ve died but it’d been me who’d ended up with a gun pointed to my head.

The raid that had happened at exactly the right moment, the spray of bullets that had come from out of nowhere.

But this…this would have to suffice. Would have to be enough to fill the void that had been carved out in the middle of me.

“One more, Haddie. One more and you rest.” The words were garbled as I repeated them into the cab of my truck.

But it was the face of Raven gliding behind my closed lids that had me finally getting out of my truck, no clue how much time had passed while I’d been sitting there. She’d be long asleep, but I wanted to be close to her. Let the beauty that she exuded seep through the bedroom wall to wrap me in a disordered embrace.

I staggered for the interior stairs.

My brain was fuzzy. The torment dulled but distinct.

I was as quiet as possible as I let myself into the weeping shadows of the living area. The moon was just bright enough to toss glittering silver dust through the room, and I shuffled across the floor to the couch, barely able to remain upright with the amount of alcohol that slugged through my veins.

I prayed to God that I’d just pass out.

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