I let out a giggle, feeling all warm inside.
Chapter 9 - August
I'm losing my mind over this woman. Lunch seems so long as I'm trying hard to keep my hands to myself. It was not enough. Will it ever be enough, I wonder? No. It won't. She is not going to ruin me. She has ruined me.
Her cheeks are flushed, the warmth of the kitchen leaving us comforted from the snow outside, and I can't get the picture of her face of when she was coming out of my mind.
With the snow continuing to fall, driving doesn't feel safe so I stay until dinner, watching sports with Jeffrey. But my mind isn't in it, I'm barely even paying attention to the TV, just enough to keep the conversation going.
Luckily, the snow starts to subside and I'm able to go home, Emma decides to stay over at her parents and I'm glad. Not that I don't want to be with her every single second, but I need time to process what happened in the bathroom. Just one night should be enough because I know I'll be at her place tomorrow. Worshipping her curvy body exactly like she deserves, making her feel like the goddess she is.
That's on my mind as I drive to my place, when I go to bed and when I wake up the next morning. I told her she was going to ruin me. But she already has.
******
Sunday was the best day of my life. Emma came over unannounced, and told me we were going to spend the day going on a trail in the mountains. I love it when she takes charge. But I couldn't let us leave without savoring her pussy again. So our hike might have been shorter than she expected but I doubt she was disappointed. And the hike itself was great, it was cold, but I loved being a couple with her, loved seeing her excited about the history of our small town and loved getting to know her better.
Since then, we’ve been together every day. It has been pure torture. I'm saving myself, not willing to touch my cock until she does. I love to eat her out too much and I love how her pussy pulses when she comes with my fingers inside her. She deserves someone who puts her first.
One full week with her and now I must endure a full day without her. Everything has come to shit here at the garage, from a lot of cars breaking down at once to an altercation with a customer who didn't want to pay his invoice. I texted Emma telling her I wouldn't be able to meet up today due to work and I'm miserable. It's nine pm and I haven't even been able to eat dinner. I want to finish this day as soon as possible so I can rest and be ready for Emma tomorrow morning. We plan to do a second trail. But work keeps on piling up.
I'm working on a car that needs to be fixed by tomorrow when I hear footsteps. I glance up and see Emma, it's enough to soothe some of my stress. She is and always will be my sunshine. Marshmallow — that traitor — follows her.
She kisses me on the cheek and my cock instantly hardens. It was just a kiss on the cheek for fuck's sake.
"I’ve got you some dinner, I figured you wouldn't eat if I didn't bring you something." She says cheerfully. "I didn't cook, but I did go to Tee's Drive-in and got you what you ordered the other day."
"You didn’t have to go out of your way for me." My voice comes out harsher than I intended, but I don't want her to drive herself here this late.
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"Always dismiss my efforts. Every time I do something nice for you. Like our relationship doesn't warrant it." I see her eyes fill up with tears, how many times during this week has she thought about this? "How do you feel about me?"
I hesitate, should I really tell her how much she means to me? She’s going to get sick of me. Sick of my moods some day. But at the same time, it has been increasingly difficult to keep it to myself. I even want us to share it with her family, especially her dad.
She waves off. "No need to reply, I've got the answer I needed."
Then she turns back and walks away. Each of her footsteps matches the rhythm of my heart, getting faster and faster with each one.
I knew this was going to happen. I knew I'd mess up some day. And today is the day this woman has realized I'm no good for her. But I can't let her go. Not until I tell her exactly how I feel. It's selfish, especially after not showing her that I appreciate her. Mr. Evans always looked out for me and now Emma is looking out for me and it seems incredibly vulnerable to be this attached to someone again. Because she knows me much betterthan I know myself. It's terrifying and I need to tell her that. Even if I'm an old selfish bastard who doesn't deserve her.
I run towards her. "Wait!"
"Leave me alone!"
"You got it wrong! The reason I hesitated wasn't because I don’t have feelings for you. It's the exact opposite! I was hesitating whether to scare you with them."
She turns to me.
"I hesitated because I'm madly in love with you and putting myself out there doesn't come easily to me. I don't want you to go out of your way for me because I want you to be resting at your place instead of being here with me next to the car fumes late at night. I want you to be a fucking princess, Emma. I want you not to have a worry in the world and I'm afraid I'm the worst worrier there is. Who am I to be with a person like you? If we are together I'm going to ruin you, I'm too negative. You’re going to resent me for it. And that will hurt me so much because I know you are my person. So I hesitated. Of course I did. How could I not? Just thinking about you resenting me is enough to make me want to give up everything."
Her eyes fill with tears again.
"I love you and I'm selfish because even after saying all these things, I want you to myself. I want you to put up with me. But I'm never going to be the positive person you are and I'm certainly never going to be the person you deserve. You deserve so much better."
"Why do you keep saying that? Who told you, you were too negative?"