Page 74 of Always

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t know any of the victims personally.” I thread my fingers through my hair still wet from the shower. “You can’t prepare a young brain for that. This was my mother.” I squeeze my eyes shut.

For an instant, I’m a little boy again, tortured by the visual of my mother.

Skye is silent for a few minutes. Then, “How did Ben react?”

I open my eyes, calmer. “He didn’t scream. That’s all on me.”

“But he was younger.”

“Younger, yes. But he didn’t react the way I did. I can’t explain it.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“Are you kidding? I don’t talk to anyone about it. Except my therapist on occasion. And now you.”

She puts her hand over mine. “Braden, you aren’t responsible for what your mother went through.”

“I know that.”

I repeat the words I’ve heard so often from my therapist. Still, I blame myself.

“But she was never the same person after that, and if I hadn’t screamed when I saw her—”

“Stop,” Skye says. “Just stop. You were a child, first of all. Second, she’d already been traumatized by the fire and the burns and the pain. Her time in the hospital. The small part you played had little bearing.”

“I know. I’ve been through enough therapy to know that.”

“Good.”

“The problem is I’ll never forget. I’ll never forget how seeing her made me feel.”

“How did it make you feel?”

“It made me feel… God, I can’t even say this.”

“You can.” She squeezes my hand.

“I was repulsed, Skye. The sight of my mother repulsed me.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I squeeze my eyes closed once more.

I’m a six-year-old boy again, seeing my beautiful mother with ugly burn scars. I see myself recoiling from the woman who gave me life. The woman I loved so much.

“It’s okay,” Skye says.

“It’s not okay. It’ll never be okay. What kind of child thinks his mother is repulsive?”

“A six-year-old who’s expecting to see his beautiful mother after being without her for weeks.”

“I’ve heard it all, Skye. I’ve heard all the reasons why this feeling was valid at the time.”

“Did you still love your mother?”

I glare at her. “Of course I did!”

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