Page 65 of Always

“Anyway, my mom admitted to me that she was the one who had the affair, not my dad.”

“Skye…”

“No. I want to finish, Braden. I have to finish.”

I squeeze her hand. “Okay.”

“Apparently my mom and dad fought a lot back then. I don’t remember a lot of it because I was only seven, and I spent so much time outdoors. But it turns out they disagreed a lot about how to raise me…and they disagreed about having more children. Dad wanted more. Mom didn’t. That led to Mom’s affair with Mario, which led to their separation.”

I nod, prompting her to continue.

“Anyway, apparently after I discovered my mom with Mario, she asked him to leave the farm. She said her affair with him wasn’t worth losing the respect of her child. And I fought her on that, Braden. I accused her of being okay with losing the respect of her husband. Then she started crying. Telling me I should have left it in the past.”

“Like I’ve told you about and Addie and me,” I say, more to myself than to Skye.

“Exactly, so you can imagine how I took those words.”

“You got angry.”

“You bet I got angry. But then I realized that this wasn’t my problem. It was my mother’s. She called my dad that day because I had been hurt. And he came back, but he didn’t move back into their bedroom yet. He needed a little more time to deal with the Mario situation, and Mom says she understood.”

“Your parents seem to love each other a lot now.”

She nods. “They do. Mom says Dad eventually forgave her, and she claims they became even closer after the whole thing. But there was still one more thing I didn’t understand.”

“What was that?” I ask.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Skye doesn’t reply.

“You want to take a break?” I ask.

“No. I need to get this out.” She breathes in and then exhales sharply. “I wanted to know why my mother didn’t want to have more children. But then I realized I already knew the answer. It was because of me.”

“Oh, baby…”

“No, it’s okay.” She rubs her forehead. “I’m dealing with it. My mom finally told me everything. She told me how smart I was but how I was also very stubborn.”

“Shocking,” I can’t help saying.

“Right. I know. I figured she didn’t want more children because they might be just like me. But then my mother told me how much she loved me and that wasn’t what she meant.”

“What did she mean, then?” I ask.

“Being a mother was difficult for her. My father even offered to give up the farm and become a house husband. But my mom knew how much my dad loved farming, and she swore up and down that she loved me and wanted to be with me. She said I wasn’t the problem. She was. Mario was an escape for her, and she should have controlled herself.”

“So she regrets it.”

“Yes. Or she says she does. But you know?” Skye’s eyebrows quirk upward. “I believe her. I do. One more thing I couldn’t figure out was why she was in bed with Mario while I wasobviously in the house, and she said I was supposed to be at my friend Myrna’s house, but Myrna’s little brother got a fever, so Myrna’s mom brought me home on the way to the doctor’s office. The door was unlocked, so I just came in.” She sighs. “It’s still pretty blurry. I mean it was so long ago, and I had a concussion. But now that I think about it, I recall it all. Being at Myrna’s. Coming into the house. Looking for my mother… It’s all still there. My mother… I guess she agreed with you. I was a challenge.”

“I hope you’re not blaming yourself for any of this.”

“I’m not anymore. But I was for a long time.”

“But you didn’t remember.”

“I didn’t, but somewhere inside me, my subconscious did. You see, I felt like a fraud, but that was only the top layer. The icing on the cake. The cake and filling were much more significant, and they were hiding in my subconscious. When Rosa, my therapist, asked me what I like about our lifestyle, I told her how much pleasure it gives me. But when she asked me why I desired the neck binding so much, even after you told me it was a hard limit, I had to really think about how I felt at the time.”

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