Page 35 of Always

“Somewhere along the line I fell in love,” I say. “And not because you succumbed to me eventually.”

“Then why?”

I chuckle. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve asked myself that question? And the only answer I’ve come up with is that love isn’t always rational.”

“So loving me is irrational? That’s not really a compliment, Braden.”

“That’s not what I mean. You’re smart, and you’re beautiful. You’re talented. And God, you’re a challenge. I once told you that you’re my Everest. You are. Even after you gave up all your control to me, you’re still a challenge. I just didn’t expect…”

“What?”

“To fall in love.” I pause a moment. “Usually, after I conquer something, I go on to the next thing.”

“And you feel you’ve conquered me?”

“No. That’s not what I’m saying.”

“What exactly are you saying, then?”

When I respond, I’m honest. I bare myself to her. “Whether I conquer you is no longer the issue. The issue is that I’m in love with you, and I have no desire to go on to the next thing.” I sigh.“Never in my life have I had a desire for vanilla sex. But damn it, Skye, I want to make love to you. I want to touch you, and I want you to touch me. I don’t want to take away any of your senses. I don’t want to deprive you of an orgasm or punish you. I don’t want to tie you up this time. I just want to lie next to you, as your equal, and make love to you.”

Again, I pause. She opens her mouth, but I gesture her not to talk yet.

“And Skye?”

“Yes?”

“I’m fucking…”

“What, Braden? What?”

I’m ready to admit something to her—something I’ve only recently admitted to myself. It’s daunting. It’s dangerous. But it’s so very real and true. I’m vulnerable. I’m vulnerable to her. I fear I’m not ready for it.

“I’m scared, Skye. Fucking scared, and I’ve never been scared of anything in my adult life.”

She melts into my arms.

“It’s okay,” she says against my chest.

“It’s not,” I say. “I don’t like this feeling.”

She pulls back.

“I don’t mean the love I feel for you. I just mean… I’m not sure I can put it into words.”

She nods. “I think I can. Vulnerability means you’re not in control. I went through this same thing a few weeks ago when we began. It’s difficult, but it’s not insurmountable.”

“I feel like I’m not myself.”

She laughs. “Boy, do I know where you’re coming from.”

I kiss the top of her head. “I don’t want to talk anymore. I want to take you to bed and make love to you.”

She smiles. “Okay.”

I lead her to the bed. I don’t command her to undress orto undress me. We undress each other. Slowly. Methodically. Relishing each new inch of flesh we expose on the other, until we both stand naked. Naked and vulnerable.

I take her hand and place it on my shoulder. “Touch me, Skye. Please.”

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