Page 2 of Always

I clear my throat, forcing my anger into my gut. Iwillhold myself together.

“I made an exception for you. I decided to have a relationship—or try, at least—but I fear this little experiment of mine has failed.”

Already I hate myself for the words. Little experiment? Skye is so much more than that. She’s not an experiment at all. She’s the woman I love. I couldn’t give her up.

Except I have to.

It will kill me, but I have to.

“The club is about pleasure,” I say.

“I know that. I get pleasure there.”

“You do. But you get something else, as well. Something that’simportant to you, and that’s what you need to face before we can continue in a relationship.”

She fingers my collar still around her neck. “Braden, please…”

“I love you, Skye.” I tunnel my fingers through my hair and then rub my forehead. “I love you more than I ever thought I was capable of loving another human being. But you want something I can’t give you. Something I’ll never be willing to give you.”

She gulps. “I can live without the choking.”

I trail a finger across her forehead and down her temple. “Can you? Because this isn’t just about the choking. It’s about more than pleasure. More than pain. More than my dominance over you and your submission to me. You’re punishing yourself, Skye, and I can’t be a part of it.”

She shakes her head vehemently. “But you… You punish me all the time!”

“That’smyprerogative. Not yours.”

“I get that. And you’re wrong. I love everything we do. You know that. I’m not punishing myself. Why would I do that?”

I kiss her forehead. It’s not lost on me that it’s more of a kiss to a sad child than to a lover.

There’s a little girl inside Skye who is trying to punish herself, and I can’t—Iwon’t—be a part of it.

Numbness settles around me.

I can’t lose her.

I can’t.

But I can’t give her what she wants.

And I can’t be with her—not in the kind of relationship we both want—until she figures a few things out.

“Why would you punish yourself?” I finally ask, staring past her and out the window. “That’s a questionyouneed to answer.”

She swallows down a choking sob.

And though I never cry, I feel the lump in my throat as well.

She’s lost. So lost.

And so am I.

Because I’m about to lose the only woman I’ve ever loved.

Chapter One

Seconds pass like hours.

---