Page 49 of Donner

"Come on." The doctor tugged on my arm. "Let's get you back to Jax so you can rest, too."

He helped me to Jax's bed, where he was sleeping in a partly reclined position. It looked uncomfortable, but once I lay down, I succumbed to exhaustion. My final thought was guilt for feeling so tired when Jax had done all the work.

Epilogue

Jax

"Jax! I'm home!"

Fuck. Beau was back from dropping the kids off at daycare already. I'd wanted to get ready for him, but I'd fallen asleep again. We'd agreed to start and leave work an hour later on Tuesdays so we could have this time together without the boys. They'd moved up to the one-year room now that they were walking, so it worked out for the daycare and for us.

Here it was, the first Tuesday of our new work-life agreement, and I was still lazing in bed instead of making myself beautiful for Beau. I'd had plans, too. I was going to use my mascara and eyeliner and dot my cheeks with glittery blush.

Instead, I managed to roll over onto my back and toss the covers off me, displaying my half-asleep but very naked body. Beau opened the bedroom door and our gazes locked for a moment before he scanned me from head to toe and back again.

"You look good enough to eat."

"I thought eagles only ate deer as carrion. I'm not dead yet."

"I want you very much alive."

Thanks to the new routine, he was still in sweats and a t-shirt, which he quickly removed and discarded on the floor. Then he came to me. He stood out of reach while he continued to study my body as though he was memorizing me. My cock thickened beneath his gaze.

I hadn't felt sexy since the boys were born. My milk dried up before we'd even put them in daycare and my first shift had left my body pretty much the same as I'd been before I'd gotten pregnant, but I felt weird. The body in the mirror felt like it belonged to someone else after months of watching it grow with life.

"What are you thinking?" Beau asked, sinking to his knees beside the bed.

"I don't know who I am anymore."

He traced my cheek and ran the pad of his index finger across my bottom lip. "This was all so fast," he said. "So much change at once. Do you need space? Time?"

We'd had this conversation before. When I wasn't up for sex, he was a perfect gentleman and gave me space. This wasn't one of those times.

"I need you." I tugged on his hand until he was sitting beside me, leaning over me, still studying me with his unwavering gaze. "I want you inside me."

Beau swallowed. "We should probably use condoms. It's too soon for another baby."

I pointed to the bedside stand, nodding when he put his hand on the drawer knob.

He pulled out the tiny pack of pills there and read the label. "Daily hormone therapy?"

"I won't get pregnant until we choose to. You're right, I'm not ready for more babies." I was still wrapping my brain around having two one-year-old boys.

He dropped the pills back into the drawer and returned to my side, lying down beside me. He still studied my face for any signs of doubt. I felt bad for making him worry like this. I knew he'd be okay with me topping again if I changed my mind.

"Fill me up," I said. "Make me whole."

His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "You make me whole. You and the boys. I love you so much."

He was so sincere, my eyes stung. I couldn't help it. I was crying and laughing at myself for crying. "You make me so happy."

He kissed me, chasing my tears away with his simple need. Our preparation was quick and dirty, first two fingers, then three.

"You're so tight," Beau said.

"It's been a while."

He continued to kiss me as he climbed on top of me. I moaned into his mouth. He felt so right as he pressed me down into the mattress. He wriggled his fingers inside me until I was fucking myself on them, my body begging for more.

---