Page 123 of Kiss of Magic

“It’s abhorrent to learn that those we look up to and revere are actually a bunch of narcissistic xenophobes, but yes. Angels created demons and then decided they were simply too hideous and forced them out. When they saw the damage they were causing to Nush’aldaam, they graciously decided to help. I suppose they didn’t have to, so there’s that.”

Dani was shocked. Her whole life, the legend of the angels and how they’d heroically saved Nush’aldaam was the bedrock of her people’s history. And it was all a lie?

“Why aren’t you telling anyone?”

“Because it would bring too much pain. And it’s over. But the point is, you thinkyou’reto blame for all those deaths? You weren’t. If anyone, it was the angels.”

“If I’d acted sooner…”

“We all carry guilt for the things we should have done. My father should have told me to watch for warning signs that the seal was failing. He didn’t. When the protective runes on the palace walls started glowing brighter, I should have asked questions. I didn’t.” Kam’s voice turned harsh with self-recrimination. “I was too preoccupied with my own petty thoughts of vengeance. I let the warnings go unheeded. By the time I was forced to confront facts, it was too late. The seal wasalready crumbling. So you see, Dani, you can blame yourself all you like but there’s plenty to go round.”

Dani stared at him wide-eyed.

“But you did everything you could. You devised a strategy, you had weapons made…”

“All last minute plans that would have been much more effective had I acted sooner. My strategy was hasty. The first batch of weapons was useless. If I’d had more time to prepare, I could have saved more people.”

“But you didn’t run away from your responsibilities,” she countered bitterly. “I did.”

“Do you think courage is easy? Being brave is simple when there’s no price to pay. But knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that doing the right thing means your life… well, even hardened soldiers might hesitate. In the end, you didn’t turn your back.”

“Tell that to the people who died.”

“Your power destroyed the demons. It couldn’t have done that without the demons leaving their prison and emerging into Nush’aldaam. It was the only way. Casualties were inevitable, Dani, but they weren’t your fault. Please believe me when I say nobody,nobodyis blaming you for the deaths. We all know you sacrificed your magic for us. In Nush’aldaam, you’re seen as a hero.”

Dani’s mouth went dry.

“A hero?”

Kam nodded.

“That’s why I wanted to invite you to the palace. There’s growing pressure for you to be awarded a medal and given the freedom of the realm. The people of Nush’aldaam want to see you, to thank you.”

“The people… want to thank me?”

And suddenly, Dani’s world tilted. For so long she had carried her guilt, certain that she was despised and hated. And now herewas the Emperor, telling her she was wrong. Had been wrong all along.

Kam saw the realisation in her eyes. He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Those of us with power and responsibility have to constantly pick our way through an obstacle course of guilt, doubt, and self-recrimination. But eventually, we have to leave those things behind. Because holding onto the past blinds you to the possibilities of the future.” He gave a twisted smile. “Believe me. I know.”

And for the first time since she had woken on the altar stone, the weight Dani had been carrying melted away.

Sixty One

By the time she got back to the other side of the Gate it was dark. Magda greeted her. The fire in the oil drum was guttering out and she was alone.

“Your boy’s inside. I sent him to get some rest, made up a nice bed for you both in front of the fire. How did you get on in Nush’aldaam?”

“I met the Emperor.” Dani tilted her head to one side. “I was told he used to be a bit of a playboy. But I found him very wise.”

“Thank his wife for that. He was born a prince but she’s the one who made him a leader. And you? Did you find what you needed?”

“I think so. I’m ready to get on with my life now, not dwell on the past. And it’s not so bad being human. They may live short lives but that doesn’t mean they’re less full.”

“But you miss the magic.”

Magda stated it flatly and Dani nodded.

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