Page 12 of Carnal

“What?” Opal catches me staring and glances back herself. “Oh God. You think he’s here to talk to you?”

I shrug, but when his gaze catches mine, it’s clear why he’s here.

Damn it. I’m sure he’s here to tell me what a piece of shit I am. I deserve it, though it is proof of how little I should leave my house going forward.

Opal grabs her purse from the hook on the booth end and stands, reaching toward me for a hug. “I’ll be at the candle shop if you need me.”

My brain spins and I don’t respond before she walks away. A second later, Mason is sitting at my table, stiff, lips pinched tight. He drags in a deep breath and lets it out forcibly as he says, “Do you love my father?”

“What?” My heart slams hard against my ribcage.

“You heard me. Do you love him? Like…love him, love him?” His voice is rough and thick, and his jaw is tight.

I’m not sure if answering truthfully is right or not, but given the anxiety of the moment, I speak in truth. “Yes. I’m sorry. I… I’ve felt it for years, but I was afraid to say anything until recently.”

He groans and rolls his eyes to the side. “Did you love him when you were with me?”

“No. I mean, I loved him. I’ve always loved him, but it’s more than that now.”

“Right.” Mason pinches the bridge of his nose and releases a slow, deep breath. “This is so fucked up.So fucked up.You… you’re my age, and he’s an old man, Sasha.”

I want to argue the old man comment with him, but I figure it’s not the time or place.

“It’s weird for me, too. I didn’t expect any of it. Then, when it happened, I couldn’t stop it. I tried. I really tried. And now, after seeing what I’ve done to your family, I… I’m thinking I should move away. It’s probably time to leave Rugged Mountain. I’ve been wanting to be somewhere else to write, anyway. I—”

“Sasha… stop. Look,” he cocks his head to the side and tosses his cap on the table, “I hate this. I really fucking hate this, but Dad is a mess right now. He’s not eating, he’s sleeping all weird, he missed hunting with the guys this week, and he’s offered me every dime in his bank account to forgive him.” Mason sighs and looks out the window before turning back again. “This is never going to make sense to me, but you should probably return his texts or something.”

I hate knowing Ryder is sad and I can’t be with him. I hate knowing we could make each other feel better, but we can’t. “Did you take his money? Is that why you’re here?”

“I didn’t take his fucking money. I don’t want his money. Look, I thought I was coming back here to pick up where we left off, but seeing how much he loves you, I realize I probably never felt like that in my life. When my mom left us, I started hating women. It wasn’t obvious at first, but deep down, I think I’ve learned not to trust them. I don’t know,” he shakes his head, “I probably need therapy, but at the end of the day, you’re a good person and he's a good guy.” The words come out honestlyand unashamed, as though he’s seeing himself for the first time. “Please call him.” He grabs his hat off the table and slides up from the booth, looking back at me as he says, “You both deserve to be happy, and I don’t want to feel like the asshole that got in the way.”

I thought I’d hit the bottom of the barrel the other night, but I’ve found a new floor. I hadn’t thought about how hard it must have been for Mason to grow up without his mother, especially when she walked out on them.

“Don’t get caught in the weeds of that conversation,” he says as he walks away. “Just pick up your phone and call him.”

I glance toward Mason, watching him leave the small shop and step out into the street. I’m not sure what just happened, or how to process any of it, but my heart is already dialing Ryder’s number, and it sings when he picks up on the first ring.

Chapter Eight

Ryder

I don’t claim to understand much of anything in life, but I know one thing sure and clear.I love Sasha.

I love her with a fierceness that I’ve never felt before. There’s no doubt about it, she’s the one and only person for me. I don’t know how to make sense of the age gap, I don’t know how to make it make sense to Mason, and I don’t know what it’ll look like to the people of this small town, but I know I can’t live without her.

When I pull up to the riverside cabin just outside of town, she’s sitting on the front porch with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, rocking back and forth in the white, weathered chair and there’s a smile on her face so wide that it heals everything ever broken inside of me.

Part of me wonders if I must be dreaming. Mason called and said he’d talked to her on my way over, but I’m wondering if that was even real. I’m about to be with her again, but it still feels like a fantasy. I spent so many years imagining this, confusing my desires with reality. Whatever this is, I have to know where it’s going.

Heart thumping, I climb down out of the truck and meet her on the porch. All the way here, I convinced myself that I shouldn’t start with a kiss. A kiss will only lead to more, and wehave forever. We should go slow. That said, the second she’s in my arms, a kiss is inevitable.

Our lips brush against one another gently at first, then deeper, as though we’ve both been starved. Our tongues meet and twist, and my cock stands at attention, poking at the zipper of my jeans.

“I missed you, baby.” My tone is ragged and rushed between kisses.

Her tiny hands rub over my shoulders and up into my beard as she stares at me through long lashes. “I need you so bad, Ryder. I… I can’t stop thinking about it. We were so close to having everything.” She’s breathless as she says, “I need you. I need to make this real.”

Fucking hell! I didn’t think my cock could get any harder. How the fuck long have I waited for this? How many years have I spent jerking off to the thought of touching her, to the thought of holding her close? How many years have I kept my love for her a secret, terrified of what Mason would think, how Sasha would react, or what our unconventional love would mean for the future?

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