Page 7 of Carnal

Fuck, he does know something! “I’m not weird. What makes you think I’m weird?”

His eyes widen. “Well, that response for one.”

He knows! He knows I’m fantasizing about his ex, the girl he wants to go after again.Damn it!What the fuck is wrong with me?I can’t go do this, even if the secret never leaves her cabin. I’ll know I did it. I’ll always know. I couldn’t live with myself.

“Sorry. I’ve been distracted lately.”

He slaps his hand against my back. “I think you should put some serious thought into the dating thing. I know you say you don’t need anyone, but it’s clear you do. Life is about layers. Everything is too one note right now. Besides, this house could use a feminine touch. Maybe I could ask Sasha to come over to spruce it up a little in the meantime—”

“No!” My shoulders straighten, and my heart rate picks up. Maybe he doesn’t know. That said, I’m not sure I could look more guilty if I tried. “No, sorry. The house looks the way I want it to.” I glance down at my phone. There’s an incoming call from my buddy Clyde. It’s the escape I need to get out of the conversation and maybe make sense of my head for a bit before I go and do something stupid. “I gotta take this, bud. We’ll catch up in the morning. Breakfast? I’ll grab a box of donuts from Josie’s on the way home later.”

He nods and I see his mind reeling, but I can’t slow down to make sense of it at the moment. Right now, I need to answer this call from Clyde and listen to all his bullshit so mine won’t sound as bad.

“Hey, man.” I tug on my boots and slide out into the fresh air in a hurry, desperate to get as far away from Mason and the truth as I can.

“Hey.” Clyde’s tone is more frustrated than usual. I like the guy because I’m accustomed to his jackassery, but to most, he’s annoying as fuck. “You seen this article in the Gazette?”

“No, what about?”

“There’s a vote going on to shut down Mail Order Ranch. Apparently, a few locals were upset about Buck Dalton drawing attention.”

“I think the guy was trying to do it all quietly.”

“He’s registered under a false name and he’s not on the website. The matchmaker is working with him privately, but since the media got ahold of the story, there’s been tons of press lurking around, disturbing the peace. The old folks are turned up about it.”

“Shit. Well, I doubt it’ll go anywhere. They got approval to build, and for the most part, people seem to like the place. That woman that’s runnin’ the whole thing, ya know her well?”

“Yeah, she’s a piece of work. Young, city type, thinks she knows it all. I’ve got a meeting with her tomorrow morning. We’ll see how that goes. We’re brainstorming ways to build a more secure perimeter to protect the privacy of everyone involved. I’m thinking we need a stone wall and some thick pricker bush, but that isn’t gonna stop all the people working for her from running their mouths.”

I laugh, trying to stay focused on what he’s saying, but I’m doing a shit job. “Well, if anyone can convince people of anythin’, it’s you.”

“We’ll see, won’t we? How’s everything with you?”

“A fuckin’ wreck, really. Don’t much want to talk about it, though.”

“This about Mason coming home? He tell you about the cabin he bought?”

“Told me today. That was nice of ya to help him out.”

“Would’ve told you but he wanted to keep things a surprise. He’s grown up a lot. Had a full cash offer. Kid’s been working on something.”

I know he was doing a lot of overtime before he abruptly came back. Now I know why, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still not right for Sasha. No one is right for her. No one but me.

Unfortunately, none of that matters. I’m going over there to fix a window, and that’s all. Fix the window, have a rational conversation about our feelings, lock them all in a box, and come home. That’s it.

I blow out a heavy breath and turn left up the half-paved road that leads to her place. This conversation has been mildly calming, but I’m no closer to knowing what to do than I was when I left the house.

“Well, I better finish this beer and get dinner started. If you figure you need a beer of your own, give me a holler.” Hedisconnects the line as I pull into the snowy driveway in front of Sasha’s tiny cabin. I’m not sure how long this place has been here, but it’s looking its age with worn pine logs and a crooked deck. She could use an overhaul of the whole place, but I’m not sure hanging around that long is good for anyone. Then again, fixing up things would give me an excuse to see her, which I’m sure I’ll need to get me through the lonely months moving forward.

I grab my toolbox from the passenger seat and crunch through the snow toward the front door. It’s nearly dusk and the lights from inside the cabin shine a soft yellow through the windows and door frame. I focus on that glow as I try to figure what the hell I should say, and how I should say it. Rationally speaking, I know what I need to do. That said, my body is boiling over with something I’ve never felt before. A feeling I’ve never had to express.

Stepping up onto the creaky porch, I reach out for the door and knock twice, blowing out a foggy breath as I wait. It’s been a while since I’ve been over here… for good reason.

Less than a second later, the door swings open, and she stands in front of me, short and cute, with big round eyes and her nipples speared hard against the cotton t-shirt that hangs off her shoulder. She stares up at me, her lips parted, her shiny hair tucked to one side of her shoulder.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!Not touching her was a much better idea when she wasn’t staring up at me with hard tits and fuck me eyes.

My palms ache to reach out for her as my mouth salivates, every bit of reasoning quickly leaving my brain.

---