Page 5 of Carnal

Why is reality so mean? I’d bet no one else on Earth is being thrust into a conversation with their ex-boyfriend directly after having a sex dream about that same man’s dad. No, things like that don’t happen because most people have the wherewithal to get a grip before their fantasies get this far out of control.

I close my eyes and slide the call to ignore. Whatever he has to say can wait. Right now, I need my vibrator and ten fantastical minutes of whatever sexy images my brain can conjure.

I pull the wand from the bedside table and land the little plastic nob against my clit, but I’ve barely started the thing before another call comes in. This time, it’s Ryder.

He calls out of the blue to check on me every once in a while. He has since Mason and I broke up. Sometimes, it’s just a quick call to say hi and to ask if I need anything. Other times, we get talking for hours about some random thing going on in our lives. He’ll tell me about the horses getting out of the barn, or how far behind he is at the mill. I’ll tell him about the complexities of classifying library books and how many people in town are severely overdue on returns. Sometimes we’ll talk about my current writing project and how blocked up my brain is. Usually, he calls once a week. Never more, never less. This would be his second call in three days. Maybe he’s planning tocome by with the window seal I need. I talked about a leak on Monday night. That has to be it.

I slide the phone to answer, clearing my throat after the words don’t come out the first time around. That’s probably a product of forgetting to switch the vibrator off.

“Hey. Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” his voice rumbles against my ear, and I drive the vibrator against my clit harder. Why I do this is anyone’s guess. I surmise it’s because I’m a horny little bitch who has no boundaries. “Just thought I’d call and set up a time to stop by and fix that leak. It’s been pretty cold. I’m sure you’ve got a decent draft comin’ through.”

Sure, I love a man who can fix things, but I’ve never had my panties soak from the mere thought before,unless you count today.The sound of his voice alone is enough for me to get off on, and my hips inadvertently grind up against the vibrations like a needy animal.

‘What the hell is wrong with me’alarms go off in my head as I sigh.

“You okay?” Ryder clears his throat as though he knew exactly what that sound was.

“Yeah,” I say breathlessly as I rub against the vibrations. “I’m good. What day works for you?”

“You sound out of breath, baby. What’s wrong?” His voice cracks as he says, “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“Ugh, not a bad time. Just… had something to take care of and…” My clit throbs and I’m so close to finishing I’m not sure I can stop. Should I tell him I’m touching myself, that I think of him, that I’m about to soak my sheets to the sound of his voice… because I kinda wanna tell him.

Silence ensues, and the only sounds leaving my lips are the quiet sighs I’m trying to mute.

“Don’t stop, baby.”

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

His voice is deep and rough like rocks are caught in his throat and everything about it is perfect. Is it real? Did he really just edge me on? Does he know what’s happening? I have to be sleeping.

A trillion worries run through my head, but I push them all away for later. For now, I stay in the moment, listening to his commands as I scrub the machine against my clit faster and faster.

“I need to hear you.” There’s an ache in his voice, a desperation I’ve never heard in my life. If this isn’t real, I don’t want to wake up.

My mouth drops open as every single nerve in my body lights on fire until I cry out in relief, whimpering and moaning as my body convulses. I drop the phone on the bed beside me and hold tight to the wand as I squirm around its strength.

“Good Lord,” he growls under his breath. “That sounded like it felt good.”

My mind goes blank. Nothing is running through it. Nothing at all.

Then everything all at once overwhelms me.What did I do? What have I done? What the hell is happening?

All I can figure is that this is a lesson on how to ruin a relationship. First, fall in love with someone completely inappropriate. Second, obsess over that person for years, even though they probably have no real interest in you. Third, lose your mind and masturbate on the phone with said person, preying on the fact that they too have been lonely far too long. And last, but not to be forgotten, hang up the phone, run into the bathroom, lock the door, and run a cold shower until you turn to dust, and no one remembers your name.

Chapter Four

Ryder

What the fuck just happened?

My cock is rock hard, pressing against the zipper of my jeans, and my heart is slamming against my chest with more force than it ever has.

Did she just come? Did I just listen to that sweet girl masturbate? What the fuck universe am I in and how do I get permanent residency?

I pinch myself a few dozen times, checking that I’m awake before rewinding the sounds she made over and over again. The rise and fall of her voice, soft, then ragged and desperate. The moans, the sighs, the crying out for relief.

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