Page 49 of Loving Decker

“I do too. That day I saw you? I had already been here once.”

“What?”

“Yes ma’am, but I knew I needed to come back. We now know why that was.” He smiled. “But I often come to think. It’s a good quiet place for that.”

She reached for Grandpa’s hand. And felt distant. That wasn’t usual. Somehow she knew he wouldn’t be squeezing her hand today. “Are you ready to go, Grandpa?”

She didn’t see anything or hear anything or even feel anything. “I wish he could tell me.”

“You know. He can’t even die if he wants to right now.”

“What?” She turned to him, processing something she’d never thought before.

“His heart can’t stop even if he dies. The machine is keeping it going.”

She considered him. “I’m not God.”

“Right. Now, I don’t know what’s right or wrong here, or even what you or anyone else should do in this situation, but I wonder if that’s significant. I wonder if Grandpa was trying to tell you something in your dreams.”

“Maybe.” She was stunned by this new train of thought. Could she be keeping Grandpa here? Was she stealing God’s role in allowing him to die? “I’m not God.” She fell into a chair. “Now I’m not saying I’m gonna do this.” She might be scaring herself with her own words. “But what if we turned everything off. Then he could keep living if he had more to do on earth, right?”

“I would think so.”

“And if not, he would then be free to…go.” She covered her mouth with her hand, trying not to let her face crinkle up in sorrow. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” She gripped the arms of her chair. “But maybe he is.”

Decker came and stood behind her. The hand he placed on her shoulder gave her strength. She felt his presence, felt his support, and felt his trust. And that was a big deal. She suddenly knew that he would stand by her whatever choice she made.

And with that knowledge, she felt free. “I think I can let him go.” She gasped. But she didn’t feel terror. Just sadness, but a peaceful kind of sadness. “Or rather, I can let God decide.”

He didn’t say anything but stood right where he was while she toyed with that thought. “I will have to think about it.” Then she stood. She kissed Grandpa on the head, a long, tender kiss, and then wrapped her arms around him best she could. “I love you, Grandpa. I love you so much.”

When she turned back to Decker, his own tears wet his face, and she fell into his arms.

“I’ve got you. I’m with you. I’ll always be here.”

She nodded against him and just let herself sink into his strong chest for a minute. “I will miss him, but I already do. Maybe this will set him free.”

He rested his chin on her head. Faith was grateful he didn’t seem to have much to say. Sometimes it was nice not to have to talk.

They left the hospital subdued. In many ways, they looked exactly like they had when they went in, but they were much different. Something had changed between them, at least in Decker’s heart and mind. He hoped Faith felt it, felt his constancy, felt his…love. Could he say that after just newly realizing his attraction? Of course he could. He loved Faith. He’d always loved Faith.

They made their way to the truck. And when he held open the door, she paused and then turned to him. “Decker, thank you for being here. I know God put you in my life, put youbackin my life, and I’m so grateful.” She stood up on her tiptoes and placed a quick kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.”

He closed the door on her and resisted the urge to put a hand on his cheek where the sensation of her lips still tingled through him.

On the drive back to her house, he considered all the things he could say, that he wanted to say, and nothing came to mind except words of support. He would just support her and be there for her.

By the time they pulled up in front of her house, he was ready to say what he should have said a long time ago.

They walked up to the front porch. Her large, wide, wraparound porch was well cared for, newly painted, and charming. She had done so much on her own. She was absolutely capable and really might not need him. He faltered a moment in his determination, but then his mom’s voice came to mind. Consider who she has right now. What can she rely on?

He nodded to himself. He was Faith’s. He had to show her. Plenty of girls had been into him, and plenty of women had shown interest as he got older, but he had dated very few of them. Maybe he’d just always known that Faith was going to be the one.

Faith turned around. “Hey, thanks for everything today. It’s like you came right when I needed you.” She laughed. “And I almost forgot. I’ve got Grumby back. That’s true love right there.” Then her eyes widened, and she turned the brightest red. “I didn’t mean…” She sighed. “Wow, well, I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight. We still going dancing tomorrow?” She turned from him like she was going to go inside.

He reached for her hand. “I wouldn’t miss it.” He tugged at her gently until she was in his arms again. “I’m so happy I could be there today. That was real special, something I won’t forget in a long time. You’re one good woman. And when I say that, I meangood, like Bible-reading, good-choice-making, kind-to-others good.”

She grinned up into his face, a small impish smile he hadn’t seen in a real long time tugging at her lips. “Was kinda hoping you were thinking some other things when you were looking at me.” She ran her hands up to his shoulders, laughing with her eyes.

---