Page 44 of Flyboy

She shook her head and rested her hands on the railing. No. She couldn’t bring up flying records, not when hers was what it was. But her record was maliciously and unfairly tainted. She pressed her lips together. She tried not to think about the only time she’d been disciplined and then written up in the military. It was a smudge that she would give almost anything to erase because it was so unfairly given.

She’d been on a surveillance fly-by during her deployment in Iraq. It had been a long day, and she’d been ready for home when Guido had picked up some activity on their radar. “We’ve got bogies.”

Ivy remembered every detail of the whole mess of an experience. And she wished over and over, countless times, that she could rewrite the past. He’d deviated from their direct course back to the aircraft carrier, disobeyed orders, and turned to engage the enemy planes.

“Do not engage. I repeat. Do not engage. Return to base.” The voice repeated over and over in their ears, but Guido just kept saying. “No, I got this. I know we can do this.”

Ivy had shouted rules in his ears until she was hoarse.

They’d left without a skirmish. The plane moved on. And she and Guido had been soundly reprimanded for an hour, her perfect record ruined forever, and a sick dread had built in her gut.They were going to compare her to her brother.

“You know, your brother was one of our best pilots, as you’re turning out to be, but he just couldn’t keep himself in check. There is a time and place for daring bravery and a time to run from engagement.”

She’d bit her tongue. She wanted to tell the commander that she had no control over Guido. She knew that no explanation would present her in any better light in her commander’s eyes, so she stood, silent, while the commander said his piece. Of course he would think she was the one at fault, egging on Guido, wasn’t that just what her brother would have done?

That incident had stayed with her for all other assignments, even clouding her next promotions, possibly even preventing some upward movement in rank. Some people who read her file admired Guido’s gumption, and some thought it careless. But either way, she’d had to explain the situation again and again. And with each time, having to prove that she was nothing like her brother, she hated recklessness more.

But Colton had proved something about his recklessness . . . He wasn’t exactly reckless, was he? He was more . . . She shrugged. She’d figure it out. If she wanted to. She frowned. But right now, she wanted nothing more to do with him. How dare he throw that back in her face! When she was willing to see past his behavior to what was going on inside him, why did he have to be so . . . quick to form opinions?

She stopped herself. Formed opinions. Exactly as she had done to him.

Her pacing quickened. They just needed to start work again. No more going out on dates, no more . . . she waved her hands around . . . whatever this was. This date.

They hardly spoke on the drive back to Fatima’s. As soon as she could, she made her way to her room and spent the rest of the evening on her computer. She had some paperwork to catch up on.

Before too long, she pulled up the image of Alec, her brother. She’d studied his file. She’d gone over what went wrong with his plane. And the worst part about the whole thing was, Ivy knew how she could have saved him. She knew what she could have taught him. Top Flight included instructions on what to do in the middle of a tailspin as part of their standard curriculum. But hindsight never really helped anyone, did it?

She stared into his face. It was a picture of them together at their usual family reunion up on Lake Hagatha in New Hampshire. His arm slung across her shoulders, his carefree smile tore into her heart now as she stared into it. They couldn’t afford to be carefree, could they? She considered her actions below water. Swimming toward a shark to take its picture? Probably not the best move. Probably not a risk worth taking. She closed her eyes. Tomorrow was a new day. Hopefully a day where she wouldn’t have to talk to Colton much. She needed some time to find herself again. He’d been a bad influence on her. But she could buckle down, stick to the rules, teach the pilots to do the same, and she would be back to normal safe ground.

When at last she fell asleep, it was disrupted with anxious thoughts.

Waking up after a night of ridiculous, emotional dreams involving her and Colton and dogfight after dogfight, where she was caught in a tailspin and he talked her out of it, was enough to give anyone a stiff neck. Ivy’s felt as though she might never move it again.

As soon as she walked in the door, Colton called her over. “I need you up in the plane with me today.”

Her breathing picked up. “What? Why?”

The group he was talking to all stopped talking and turned to look at her.

“Yes, sir. I’ll go suit up.” Her heart didn’t know how to function anymore. She was sure of it. It pounded, and then it fluttered, and for a moment she thought it might have stopped altogether. Why? Why did she have to go up in a plane with Colton today?

Her hands shook.Get it together, Tenderfoot.Alec, Guido, the shark, Colton, her letter criticizing his recklessness, everything came flooding back to her in a great wave. What was the problem here? She reached a hand out to the wall. The other clutched her stomach. The world seemed to wobble, so she closed her eyes. She started to sink to the floor as darkness crowded in.

Then strong arms encircled her. And Colton’s voice. “I’ve got you.” He pulled her close then lifted her in his arms.

She leaned her head up against his shoulder.

He carried her to an empty room that looked like it might be a storage room of some kind. Then he placed her on a chair, opened a bottle of water and offered it. “What’s this all about?”

His eyes were wide and caring.

She took the offered water and drank about half of the bottle before she faced him again. “I’m a mess.”

“I can see that. You wanna explain to me what’s going on?” His words sounded harsh, but his eyes were full of fear, and concern, and possibly . . . love?

She blinked. Then she saw caring, certainly, probably not love.

“I—” What was she to say here? That she was all worked up about her brother and her record and that Colton made her crazy?

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