Page 53 of Crow

I know the magic of his hands, but in this case, it doesn’t work like that.

The driver was a young kid, although by kid I mean he was just a few years younger than me. Twenty-one, freshly minted, ready to celebrate. He’d rented a fancy car and was probably pissed from the night before. He’d freaked out, saying he hadn’t meant to hit the dog and that he didn’t know what to do. He claimed to have no money. He was blubbering all over the place, until Crow raised his head and froze him with a single look. He’d told the asshole to shut the fuck up, get back in his car, and to stop bothering us before he gave him a birthday gift that he wasn’t going to enjoy. He left that rather ominous threat up to interpretation, but it worked. I’ve never seen anyone peel away as quickly as that douchebag did.

Crow was the one who flagged down a cab while I stayed with the dog on the sidewalk to keep her safe. She was whimpering pitifully, clearly in pain. She never tried to get up. Crow lifted her so very carefully and held onto her the whole way to the vet. He carried her in with just as much care as if she’d been his lifelong best friend, and said he’d pay whatever it cost to get her immediate care.

While the vet looked the dog over in the back, Crow explained everything. He was methodical and thorough.

“Are you sure about this?” The vet asks, not unkindly. “I just want to prepare you for the reality of the bill. It could be overfive thousand dollars. I don’t think she’s been someone’s dog in a while, and she might need care unrelated to the accident. I know it’s heartbreaking, but sometimes, it’s kinder to provide mercy.”

Crow leans in, top lip curling off his teeth. The temperature in the clinic plunges a few degrees. I expect him to hurl something about tearing this guy’s face off—like he did with my father—or to tell him where to shove his suggestion to put the dog down when that’s not what we’ve asked for.

He might look like he’s going to lose it, but he reels it in. “I’m willing to pay whatever the bill comes out to. Do your best. I understand that you’re not god, and can’t determine the outcome, but I want you to try. She might not have been my dog before, but she’s my dog now.”

The vet swallows thickly. He glances to the side room where his assistant just vanished to sanitize the place. There are a few other vet techs in the back, but they’re all busy with other animals, seeing to ones in cages, cleaning, and two stayed with the dog.

Crow’s dog.

Ourdog?

“I understand. I’ll just print you off a few forms and that’ll be everything. I’ll call you with updates and I’ll be here with her through the night.”

My gaze is directly drawn to where Crow’s fists unclench, hidden by the lip of the front counter. “Thank you.”

A few minutes later, we’re out of the clinic, standing in the sun. The day feels far too nice for what we’ve just gone through. One minute, we were enjoying the walk to the bookstore we’d decided to visit, the next, we were trying to save a dog’s life.

I know that this man isn’t my husband. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s not truly mine in any way, but I thread my fingers through his. They’re still bloody.

“You were amazing. Everything you did was incredible. You were so calm. I’m the one who’s done all the pre-med training, and I was frozen. I would have panicked if you weren’t there. It’s different, when it’s real life and not just a textbook.”

He wipes sweat off his brow with his free hand, leaving a smear of blood. I bite down on my lip as my stomach clenches. I’d be a liar if I said that mine was any less rocky than Crow’s this morning. I managed not to throw up, but I’ve definitely decided that hangovers suck.

“Should we go back to the hotel? I can get us a cab. We could wash up and uh… I don’t know. Just try to regroup.”

“Find another poker game and make enough money to pay for the vet bill?” He means that to be funny, I think, but it comes out strained.

There’s something seriously wrong.

I mean sure, what we just went through was traumatic, and there’s the whole marriage thing, but I think it’smorethan that.

Crow wrenches his hand away and starts walking down the sidewalk. I don’t know which direction our hotel is, but I’m sure that it’s too far to walk. I can’t even see the Strip from here. It’s like we’ve gone to another city. A regular, normal place. I can imagine that the people who live here probably don’t venture anywhere near the busier tourist areas if they don’t have to.

“Crow!” I race after him. He doesn’t slow and I have to wheel around in front of him and cross my arms to get him to stop. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

He grasps his head with his bloody hands, eyes wild. He looks nothing like the stoic, silent man I first met, or the fun and wild one from last night. “I’m not okay. I can’t keep lying to you.” He wrenches the ring off his finger and reaches for my hand, trying to do the same.

I back away, grasping my hands together. “Stop it. I don’t like this. If you don’t want to do this, that’s fine, but don’t—you’re scaring me.”

He falters back like I just slapped him in the face with a spike belt. “I’m sorry.” He holds the golden band up, tilts his head to the sky, and slips it back on his finger. He drops his hand, but not his head. He stares up, up, like something might arrive out of the clouds to help him with whatever is tearing him apart on the inside.

I don’t think he’d welcome my touch, no matter how badly I just want to hug him or be near him—it’s an insane urge anyway—so stay where I am.

“I haven’t told you the truth. I’ve never told anyone but my mother, back when I thought she’d understand. I was falling apart, and Ineededsomeone.” He sounds like he’s tearing apart on the inside, breaking into pieces, though he’s still whole in front of me. “I thought I could trust her. I thought because she was my mother, she was required to love and protect me.”

An invisible fist wraps around my throat. It’s impossible to breathe. The air was hot, but now it feels stifling. The last few days hit all at once, threatening to cripple me, but it’s nothingcompared to the twisted anguish on Crow’s face when he finally drops his head.

“I have… there’s… fuck!”

I jump at the force of that word. I’m scared and disturbed, but also… fuck just standing here. I take his hands in mine and press my thumbs into his palms. It’s what I’ve done to myself in the past in order to stay grounded.

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