Page 89 of The Passion

But finally, the tears falling aren’t ones of despair from the argument but are more me crying for my lost childhood while I accept my new life moving forward with the only man who truly loves me. A life where I’m not sure what’s in store for me, but one thing I do know is that I will be the one who makes the choices of the direction it takes.

And it will be a life without my father in it.

CHERIE

I can’t believe I’m stupid enough to put myself back into this life.

My skin crawls as I sit in the back of the town car I ordered to take me down to the Tornado Bar in the central business district. It is what most would assume is a darkly lit, exclusive bar for therich and famous. But upstairs in an area they call the VIP lounge, it is more than that. There are two rooms with illegal poker games happening, and depending on who you are and the money you bring to the table, it decides which room you get to play in.

When I visited on Wednesday night, I was taken into the lower-ranking room with an old associate that I used to run the streets of London with when my life was in a different place. I grew to change where I came from, and now, hopefully I’m also changing the direction of many of the kids I take into my programs. Ivan, instead, stayed in that life and grew up to be one of the big bosses in the underworld tobacco trade in this country. I don’t know much about his life now and don’t want to, but I knew if I asked for a favor he would agree without question.

I saved his life one night after a knife fight in a dark alley where he was left bleeding out. Calling for an ambulance I knew would also bring the cops, and that would lead to me being in trouble, but I couldn’t leave him there to die. I held my hand on his chest to try to stop the bleeding while we waited for help to arrive, and he looked up at me, fearing for his life, and told me that he owed me. Time to claim back the favor.

Even as we head into spring, the weather at night is still cool even with my overcoat on. I wonder if I really wore it to fight off the cold or for a sense of security when I’m feeling nervous about what I’m here to do.

I’m not stupid enough to look like my normal self. I have a short black wig on, with very heavy makeup that makes me feel so abnormal being this over the top. Green-colored contact lenses in to disguise my eye color and very high shoes to give an impression of being taller than I am. So not my style. Lots of fake gold costume jewelry that looks real and gives the appearance of wealth, and long artificial nails which I would never be caught dead wearing normally. Looking in the mirror before I left, Iwondered if this is what I would have looked like if I had stayed in the world I was born into.

I look like trash in my eyes but a very high-class lady to others.

In a way, it reminds me of what my mother looked like before she died of a drug overdose. Visions I don’t really want to remember, but you can’t always bury things as far down as you would like inside you.

I spent this week reading all I could about Ewan Kentwall and built the profile of his character in my head. Of course, it didn’t show all the dark side of him, but everything that Felisha had told me in our quick phone call confirmed the image that I had built. He may have more money than any man in the games I used to be at, but it’s still the same thing.

An overall addiction to winning and being able to claim you are the best. The feeling of superiority in a room full of your peers and not willing to accept losing. With Ewan, we have the added layer of toxic masculinity where he will never accept a woman as an equal, let alone a level above him.

The game on Wednesday night, I played with Ivan and a few others, giving him the benefit of winning some hands, and I took all the rest. Of course, the others at the table weren’t happy and wanted to know who this newcomer was, but Ivan had my back the whole way, explaining that I had been in hiding in Majorca for a few years due to some heat I’d had with the UK authorities, and now I have come home to work for him.

He doesn’t know exactly why I need to be here, all I told him was that I need to help a friend whose father had wronged her from a very young age.

From where both Ivan and I have come from, we understand shit parents.

Pulling up to the bar, my driver lets me out, and I open the bar’s heavy wooden door to the smell of more than just tobacco.I take a seat at the bar where I can see the doorway, and I order a dirty martini and wait for Ivan to arrive. I might have been here two nights ago, but I’m far from being allowed to just walk into a game and place my money on the table. You need someone to vouch for you, and that someone has to already be trusted by the rest of them in the game.

I’m just hoping that Ewan will show up. If not, then I might need to lose a few games tonight and let them win back the money I took off them on Wednesday night. Otherwise, I might find myself on a few people’s target list, and that’s dangerous. I’ve already had days of fighting with Forrest over being here, and I can handle that. He is a man who needs to learn I don’t take orders or instructions from any man. I can see it comes from a good place, but through my life, lots of things appear to be from a good place, until they’re not, and then you are busy trying to find a safe place to hide. I don’t need that kind of drama on top of what I’m trying to do here. This takes concentration with no distraction for me to slide in under the radar and back out again before they know who I really am.

Halfway through sipping my drink—very slowly, because I need a clear head—I see the man I’m looking for storming across the room. Ewan Kentwall has arrived and looks like he is ready to explode. Which I find fascinating because from what I have read and heard from Felisha, he doesn’t like to show too much emotion. But anger is written all over his face. Trailed by two men who look like his security team, he doesn’t stop, just disappears behind the door that I know leads to the stairwell to take you upstairs.

Looks like tonight is it. I promised Remington that it would be a one-and-done night, teaching him a lesson, and then I walk away and disappear into the darkness of London again.

I message Remington that Ewan is here because he is the only one that I agreed to be in contact with. I don’t want myphone blowing up while I’m in the game. It’s a burner phone, and the only number in it is another burner phone that Rem has right now. It has tracking in it, because he insisted on it to keep me safe.

I actually feel sick, and I’m now regretting the decision to order the drink in front of me, a lot.

Thankfully it is only a few minutes later that Ivan walks in and makes his way toward me. Leaning down, he kisses me on the cheek, because at the end of the day we were friends back then, and he never did anything to hurt me. We may not agree on each other’s lives now, but that doesn’t stop me from being friendly.

Will we catch up for coffee after this all over… not a chance in hell, but he will feel better knowing he has paid his debt to me.

I can walk away knowing that all the dark things I did back then, I have been able to use to help someone now. Hopefully it will clean at least one of the points on the long list of marks against my name on the universe’s bad-person list.

“Ready to step in with the big boys tonight?” Ivan holds his hand out to help me off the bar stool.

“I was born ready.” And although that’s not completely true, I was born determined and some would say stubborn, which has served me well in life so far.

“Can you at least leave me with some money and dignity tonight? I know it’s part of the game, but find someone else to fleece.” He chuckles to himself as he links my arm in his, and we make our way to the room where the poker game will be in progress.

“Don’t worry, my mark is here tonight, so I’ll be concentrating all my efforts on him and will leave you enough to maybe purchase a beer or two.” I offer him my fake smile, when on the inside, my whole body is on high alert with nerves.

“You always were so generous.” The sarcasm oozes from him as we make it to the top of the stairs. “Now, there is another woman in the game tonight, but she isn’t much good. She has played here before, so it will make your appearance less of a surprise.”

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