Page 110 of The Passion

My body is stiff, and I’m still in my clothes from yesterday that aren’t the most comfortable thing to sleep in. It’s still dark outside, and the uncomfortable headache, which is the after effect of the scotch I was drinking, is like another form of punishment to add to the ones I already feel.

It took every bit of strength I had not to go to her yesterday. I didn’t even want to call or text because that’s not what we need. The only way will be face to face, and I’m just not sure I will get that.

I hurt her. Deeply.

And it’s going to take more than sweet talk to fix it.

I’m going to have to show her that she can still trust me. That I made a mistake that I will never make again, but I will be honest with her. She needs to know I would do the same all over again if it meant she got to keep her company and lead it the way it should be led, with integrity. She won’t like it, but I’m hoping she will respect it.

Relationships are new to me. I’ve never really been in a serious one. Anyone along the way that I was with for more than a few dates was more because of the pressure to settle down and do what my parents wanted and society expected.

This is so much more than that.

It’s love and a future that I can see for both of us.

What that future contains I don’t know, and that is the best part. I have never been one to look ahead, but when Felisha wrapped herself around my heart, life changed.

As soon as I move in the slightest, Sassy is up and jumping off the couch. I can’t believe she stayed with me all night. Maybe she felt sorry for me, or it’s as simple as we were two lost souls, missing Felisha. There is no doubt that she loves Felisha more than me, and I’m okay with that.

She runs off down the hallway toward my bedroom in a hurry, and I’m guessing she wants a comfier bed than the couch too.

I stretch out my body, hearing a few joints crack, then push off the couch to sit up, swinging my feet to the floor.

The music is still playing softly in the background because I couldn’t stand the silence when I got home from the office. Music soothes my soul, it always has.

My eyes, although tired, are drawn to the piece of paper on the table.

We will talk in the morning.

It will be better if we both have had sleep.

Felisha

“She’s here.” The realization that she is still angry with me and doesn’t want to talk to me hits me with immense relief, as crazy as that sounds. All because she is here.

She came home.

To our home.

The rest I can deal with.

She can yell at me, give me the cold shoulder, the silent treatment, put me on a sex ban, I don’t care about any of that. Well, maybe I care a little about the sex part, and the talking-to-me part, but I can manage. I’ll do anything to make this right.

It makes sense why Sassy went running down the hall to our bedroom. She’d rather sleep curled up with Felisha than me.

Walking quietly to my bedroom door, the moment I see her it’s like my heart starts beating again. It felt like a heavy stone when I left her in the boardroom. A weight I was carrying all day that just wouldn’t let me feel any sign of hope.

But the vision before me has me warming up from the inside, my heart allowing me to sense optimism.

Looking at her, though, still makes me sad at what I have done to her. She is still dressed from work, hair in her bun, makeup still on, and she didn’t even bother to crawl under the covers. A smirk rises on my face when I see her clutching tightly to my pillow.

God, I just want to climb onto the bed with her. Pull her into my arms and make this all go away, but I can’t. I need to respect her space and do as she asked in her note. Leave it until the morning to talk. Well, at least until the sun rises. It’s four am, and there is no way I’ll be able to get back to sleep now.

Not wanting to wake her, I head to the bathroom in the spare bedroom, because there is one thing sleeping in your work clothes does and that’s make you stink.

Letting the hot water run over me, I wash away the tension in my muscles and it allows me to think.

I need to lay everything on the line this morning when we talk. I can’t hold anything back because she needs to know how Ifeel. I know I’ve told her I love her and want her with me, but it’s not enough.

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