Page 35 of The Passion

Plus, it just feels too intimate to shower with him.

I must admit, the first time I visited his apartment I had been drinking and didn’t really pay much attention to it, and last night, well, I was in no state to notice anything.

Walking past a glass wall on a room, I stop to see something I have never seen nor expected from Flynn. There are shelves and shelves of old records lining the walls. Then in the center of the room are two black leather wingback chairs, and between them is a table that has an old-school record player on it.

It looks so interesting and very old-fashioned that I would love to walk in there to take a look, but I’m actually not game to. I have a feeling that everything in that room is very special and something that means a lot to Flynn. There is so much more to this man than I’m ever going to get the chance to find out.

Continuing into the living room, it’s just like you would imagine a wealthy man who can afford a stylish bachelor pad would look like. Clean lines, coordinated furniture, and with minimal accessories that would give away too much about his life. But there are a few, nonetheless.

Placed on a coffee table next to the fireplace are a few photo frames. Wandering over, I see one of him when he was young with what I assume are his brother and parents. In little matching outfits, sitting on a platform, with Mum and Dad standing behind them. A perfectly staged family portrait from back in the eighties. I wonder what my life would have been like if I’d had a sibling. A brother I know would have changed my life, and I would just be some socialite that hasn’t worked a day in my life because my father would never have let me. But if I had a younger sister, what would have happened? Would I have someone else to battle against the old-fashioned attitudes of my father? Sadly, I will never know, but I’m thankful for Harper who, although she is not blood, in my eyes, is my sister anyway.

The other three photos are ones that look current. Him with his friends and brother at some event, all in tuxes which makeany man look hot. Then one that I’m guessing is at some estate, relaxed around a fire pit, and then the third one are his friends, Nic’s fiancée, and another woman who Flynn has wrapped in his arm, all laughing at something.

Something in my gut doesn’t like the way he is holding her. I don’t know her, but I don’t like her, which is ridiculous. Jealousy also creeps in at just the friend group in general. I have Harper who is all I need, but all the other people around me are merely people I know and see at functions. But if I was to get married and need to fill a bridal party, I couldn’t, and that’s just a sad state of affairs at my age.

Running my finger across the top of the frame, I’m startled when Flynn walks up behind me. I didn’t hear him, being lost in my own thoughts.

“A crazy bunch but the best friends and brother I could have asked for.” The tone in his voice is of pure love for everyone in that picture.

“You’re lucky,” I whisper before pulling myself together again and spinning around to find him closer than I was expecting. As his hands start moving to my waist, I slap them away.

“Nope, we are talking, remember?” Side-stepping around him, I take a seat on the couch, and before he has time to sit beside me, I move one of the cushions next to me.

Laughing at me, he takes a seat on the other side of the wall I have created. “If that’s the way you want it.” Leaning back onto the couch, he lays his arm along the back of it, looking like he doesn’t have a stress in the world, but we both know that’s not true.

“It is!” I say a little too forcefully.

“Understood. Now, you want to tell me what happened last night? Because I have a feeling there was more to it than the video hitting the internet.” Flynn can’t help himself, moving hisarm and stretching out to place it on my knee, just as a light squeeze of comfort for me. Such a simple gesture, but it means more to me than he will ever realize.

“So much more, but that’s not what we need to discuss. Us… this.” I wave my hand between the two of us. “It can’t happen again. You know it, and I know it. But I want us to be friends.” There is so much more I want to say, but I’m having trouble forming the words to come out right, and that’s not normal for me.

“What if I want more?” Such a simple answer from him, and he calmly waits for me to answer.

“It doesn’t matter what we want, we just can’t ever be. Especially after yesterday. Every time I would be seen with you, all they would talk about is that video. I don’t want to live like that, do you?” I sigh at the words coming out of my mouth.

“I don’t give a fuck what other people say about me, I thought you would have understood that by now.” His carefree attitude is gone, and the seriousness is creeping in. He is starting to understand that his words and sex is not going to have me swooning or just agreeing with him, when I sit up straighter and put my game face on.

“Flynn, please don’t make this harder than it has to be. We need to battle this on a united front, but as friends. You asked for more, and I can’t give you that for many reasons. But I’m asking you to please give me what I need, because my personal wants don’t matter either. I need your support and strength to squash this as quickly as possible.” I feel stronger now, like I’m in a board meeting negotiating the terms of a contract. This is what you want, this is what I want, but let’s meet in the middle.

Middle ground is friendship.

“There is so much more to this, but you aren’t going to trust me enough to share that. And I don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust me. I’ll do what you ask, you willalways have my friendship, but don’t expect us to have cute little coffee and manicure catch-ups.”

I roll my eyes at him at his ridiculous statement. Always the comedian, but this time he doesn’t want the reaction of laughter from me.

“Because, Felisha… I fucking want you… more than I understand. So being in the same room as you is going to burn me hard. But I’m not going to chase you because I don’t cope with rejection well. So, friends, sure, and know I will always have your back no matter what.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair, that still looks all messy, in frustration. “And as much as this hurts to say, I do understand. I might not like it or agree, but I understand.”

I want to launch myself over this cushion into his lap and curl up like he held me last night and tell him how desperately I want to say the same things.

But I’ve made my decision, and I have to stand strong.

“Thank you.” My voice is no longer strong, and it’s all I can say.

Sitting for a few moments in silence, we both collect our thoughts and then proceed to discuss how we are going to handle the media and the statements we will both be making today.

Thoughts of my father’s words creep into my head, but I can’t let that affect me now. To be honest, I need to use them to give me determination and strength.

Flynn wants to feed me breakfast, but I know I need to leave.

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