Page 116 of The Passion

The alarm on my phone starts chiming, and I feel both our bodies tense up a little.

Looking down at the test, I don’t think I can turn it over. It’s like I’m frozen and can’t move.

“Do you want me to do it?” Flynn whispers, and I nod while looking at his eyes in the mirror again.

His arm grips me that little tighter around the waist as he leans forward to turn it over. I can’t look. I don’t move from watching his face and trying to read his expression. He’s blank.

No smile, no frown, nothing.

Placing the test back down, he turns me to look at him. I know it’s so he can hug and console me, when I break down again. Nobody talks about how hard this is for some people, especially the older you are.

Life is so complicated sometimes.

I will continue to fight for equality for women in this world, and it has given me the opportunity to have a career I love, but there are tradeoffs I have made, and I’m worried that this is one of them. I know many women have successfully had a career and children, but I may not get to be one of them.

“Princess.” His voice is so soft and has a slight quiver. “We did it, we’re pregnant.”

His hands are on either side of my face, and the words are running in circles inside my brain.

No, it can’t be right, he’s read it wrong.

“Two… two lines?” I’m struggling to hold in the emotions that are about to spill from me.

“Yes, two lines, look.” Holding it up and showing me, I still can’t process it.

“Nope, it’s a mistake.” I grab another one off the counter and dip it in the cup of urine I have sitting there. No waiting, I open another one too.

“That’s enough. Three will be enough to make you believe the first one.” Flynn reaches for my hands and pulls me away from the counter.

“I can’t believe it. What if it’s wrong? I can’t go through this pain if I let myself believe it’s true and then it’s not.” I bury my head in his chest like I always do when life feels too hard.

“I know, and I understand. Just a few minutes and you will have your answer. In the meantime, come here.” He lifts me up and carries me out of the bathroom away from the tests that are doing their thing.

Sitting me down on the bed, Sassy scampers across the sheets, annoyed that she had finally gotten her time on the bed since we got out, and now she has been disturbed.

“Damn cat!” Flynn grumbles as she meows loudly at him on her way out of the room.

They still barely tolerate each other, and I doubt that’s ever going to change.

“Now tell me what’s the worst thing that can happen if we get more negative tests?” He kneels on the floor in front of me, in between my legs, his face level with mine.

“We try again,” I mumble. It’s what we’ve done each month since we started seriously trying to have a baby.

“Exactly, and then, what do we do when the time is right?” His hands on my thighs, he squeezes tight to reassure me, but I think it’s to help calm him too.

“We explore our options, whatever they may be,” I whisper because although we have both been convincing ourselves that we are okay with that, it’s still hard to accept.

“That’s my girl.” Kissing me on the forehead, he stands and disappears into the bathroom again.

I stare at our bathroom door like it holds all the answers in that room.

As he appears walking back through it again, this time he is not trying to hide anything from me.

The smile on his face is so big, and there is no denying the butterflies that are starting to take flight in my stomach.

“Really?” I look up at him.

Pulling me up off the bed, Flynn has me in his arms and is kissing me with such passion.

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