Page 7 of The Oath We Give

“I don’t know how to live either.”

“No one does.”

Forgoing boundaries, I ask him for another piece of advice. It could be the reason he hangs up on me because I don’t know a lot about the man on the other end of the phone other than rumors and seeing him around, but everyone knows what Rosemary Donahue meant to him.

“How did you live after losing Rosemary?”

I’d always thought it was beautiful, his grief. A living reminder of a love lost too soon.

To my surprise, he doesn’t hang up or tell me to fuck off. Instead, he sighs. The sound of a lighter flicking makes its way through the speaker.

“I didn’t.”

I scoff, “So you’re dead?”

“You don’t know?” Once again, I can hear the smirk. In my mind, I can see only his lips, tilted up in the corners. “They say I’m dead on the inside.”

“They call me cursed. I wonder which is worse?”

As the rain continues to build, I need to go inside before I slip off the roof and actually go through with my suicidal thoughts. Can you die by accident if the plan was already to kill yourself?

“Thank you. I owe you for this,” I say softly, throat hoarse from all the crying.

“Okay,” he mutters, not pushing me to give more than what I’m willing,accepting my declaration.

Lightning illuminates the sky, and thunder claps in the distance.

“Don’t call me back. And I won’t call again. I just—”

“I know.” There is a pause in his voice. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I’m only a voice, remember?”

I know this phone call doesn’t fix me. It doesn’t heal my fears or cure my trauma, even though I desperately want something to. But it’s nice to be alive and not okay. To have someone to talk to, to know there is someone out there who knows I’m battling for every breath.

After this, I’ll have to go back to being cold, numb, and unfeeling just to get through the day. I’m allowing myself this one moment of weakness, but not again.

“Coraline,” he says before I can hang up.

“Yes, Silas?”

The voice on the other side once again reminds me he isn’t just a voice or an ear. That he’s a person who feels this pain too, that emptiness inside, and he’s looking for something to fill up the holes.

“I had to learn how not to live for the trauma and loss. I’m living in spite of it. Don’t let him win.”

Book made for [email protected]

TWO YEARS

OF FREEDOM

March

Book made for [email protected]

TWO

STILL WATERS RUN DEEP

SILAS

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