Page 18 of The Oath We Give

“No,” I bite out, more anger in my voice than I’d like to use with my father. “You worked for this company. Our family worked for it, and it won’t be ruined because of me.”

I can’t—

I won’t have anything else be destroyed because of me. This can’t fall apart. I won’t let it.

My heart rate speeds up, an overwhelming amount of pressure slamming into my skull with a sledgehammer. My father is dying—do I even have the time to prepare for that now? There is a cyber villain threatening the freedom of my friends, and now I have to get married.

I feel my mind begin to crawl toward a dark place, creeping with broken arms toward a pit I barely pulled myself out of the first time. The ocean roars in my ears, and the room seems to tilt.

I’m losing control, can feel it slipping right through my tightened fingers. If I can’t control my life, how can I keep control of my mind?

“You deserve to marry for love, Silas,” he says with a gentle ease. “For happiness and for joy. Not on a whim, not in a forced setting. I want you to know the happiness of family.”

“Dad,” I choke out, struggling to breathe.

He’s dying, giving up his company because of me.

My friends are in trouble because of me.

Rosemary died because of me.

It’s all my fault. All of it.

“This isn’t up for debate, Silas. I’ve already made a plan to present to the board. Your mother has already agreed—”

Static buzzes in my brain as I tumble toward the darkness, clawing and grappling for anything to hold on to so that the evil inside of me doesn’t swallow me whole.

I’m sure on the outside, I look fully composed and put together. He can’t see what’s happening in my mind—no one can. I’m searching for a way to save this.

Your fault. All of this is your fault.

My chest burns, words I want to say right there on my tongue, ready to beg and apologize. To scream at the world that I tried, it isn’t my fault.

Don’t…

Don’t blame me.

My hand snags a branch in my mind, clutching onto it for dear life as I dangle right over the pool of helplessness. Creatures snap their teeth, hungry for me.

On a whim, with no other choice, I lie to my father for the very first time.

“I have a girlfriend.”

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FIVE

SILENT MIRAGE

CORALINE

I’m an addict.

To filling the void more than anything.

It just so happens that Ecstasy and alcohol are what I use to do this.

If anyone asked, I’d blame it on the drugs they pumped in me before sending me to Stephen. The chase of the high was forced on me. That’s easier than admitting that I’m not strong enough to get through this life without the Saturdays I spend drunk or high.

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