Page 154 of The Oath We Give

"What?"

"Not like that, silly boy!" She swats at my arm, like it's obvious what she meant. Like that wasn't the last thing I expected her to say at my father's funeral. "You've stuck around this town for everyone but yourself. It's never been what you wanted or what was good for you. Your father and I knew that, but nothing we would've said would have made you leave. You've found so much here. Ponderosa Springs will forever be apart of you, Silas, but it doesn't have to be forever."

Since I started high school, they've wanted me out of here. Far away from the whispers and rumors. I know it's what they want, what my father would want, I just never got a chance to figure out if it was what I wanted.

It would be easy to say there is nothing but evil that remains in this town. The town that turned me into a villain, a scary story, a monster, but it's not that easy.

This place holds memories that can never be moved. While life may not live on forever, memories do. Ponderosa Springs is a town that is empty yet entirely to full.

Nostalgia of childhood games lingers on the grounds of the Caldwell's family home. Echoes of laughter sit on-top of the high school roof, bloody knuckles and adrenaline find rest at The Graveyard. Victory is at home at every Gaulent and chaos is burned into every street.

Our marks are here, they'll stay here.

We can choose to leave it, but those memories stay with it.

How do you say goodbye to that?

"Dad's company, mom. I can't just pick up and leave after I just settled into the CEO position." I tell her, which is easier than explaining the rest.

"Your father cares more about your happiness than he ever did about that company, Silas. We thought you'd leave after graduation but when Rosemary died your grief kept you rooted here. I've been watching you outgrow this place for years."

But not all memories are good.

There is death that lives here too. Secrets and pain. Lies and unforgivable actions. We will never be able to walk on the grounds of Ponderosa Springs without thinking of the bodies we buried in it. The lives we took and the ones that were taken from us.

The possibility of leaving that behind? That's easy.

Building a life with Coraline that isn't constantly watched or spoken about. Giving my girl the space she needs to heal and grow. Being there to watch what she turns into without the weight of shame on her shoulders.

"I'll think about it, okay?"

"Okay, sweet boy." She murmurs.

I gather my mother in my arms, hugging her small frame tightly to me. There is not guilt in not telling her the truth about my schizophrenia. Not when the truth doesn't matter.

Wether I have it or I don't, it wouldn't change the way she loves me. The way she has always loved me. Belief isn't the validation I need from her. Belief was something I needed from myself.

The truth will only bring guilt and sadness to her life, two things she doesn't need as she embarks on her journey of grief. She'll struggle to forgive herself for trusting a doctor over her own sons words, as if she had a choice. She'll forget how scared she was for me and hate herself for not believing me.

I won't do that to her.

The people in my life who need to know, know.

That's all that matters.

My father's funeral moves forward, just like life. I shake hands to be polite, listening to condonclences from people who didn't know him.

When the last person files out of the church, the newly rebuilt St. Gabriels, I'm left alone. Well, for a short moment at least.

The doors to the sanctuary open, and as I look up from my seated place on the steps of the alter, I see Alistair, Rook, and Thatcher make their way inside. Dressed in various suits, and looking much older than I ever remember us being.

It’s been six months since the day we stood above an empty grave that stunk of burnt flesh and secrets. All of us dressed to the nines, one of us wearing a wedding dress, a day that supposed to mark the beginning of a new adventure.

It marked the bitter end of our vengeance.

Alistair swore never to come back here, but there was little he wouldn’t do for me. He’d swallow stepping foot in Ponderosa Springs if it meant being here to celebrate the life of my father.

"How pissed you think they'd be if I burned this place down a second time?" Rook asks as he slides into one of the pews, tossing his arms behind his head and making himself at home.

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