“Wait, wait. I’m not laughing at you,” she breathes. “I just—I think I broke you.”
Yeah, I think you broke me too.
Because nothing is working correctly. Nothing feels normal inside my body or my mind, and I hate the unfamiliar way I’m reacting. I want to go back to when I was angry about her hugging Conner Godfrey. I want to go back to when I could ignore her face in a crowd or the feeling of being this close didn’t make me feral.
Back before I knew what her heart looks like when it beats for me.
I turn my head, meeting her green eyes with my own. A wave of uncertain ground stretches between the two of us. Neither one knows the correct way to handle it.
So I go for honesty.
She deserves that, at the very least.
I grab one of the curls that frame her face, spinning it slowly around my finger before tugging gently.
I’m trying, to no avail, to keep her at a distance so I don’t have to admit that she scares me. A man who fears nothing is afraid of all she is. All she makes me want. All she makes me feel.
“Your gift,” I state, that fluttering from earlier coming back, and I pause before I continue. “You’resunlight.”
A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM.
TEN
Thatcher
“Mama! Mama!” I scream as I run down the long marble halls, slipping along the floor in my socks. “I did it”
My laughter bounces off the walls, and I can barely contain my excitement. Mama is going to be so happy when I tell her that I was finally able to play “Brahms’ Lullaby” from start to finish.
Even the hard part in the middle that makes me stretch my fingers!
I love when she watches me play. Her and Baba, they listen for hours, even when it’s not very good. But it doesn’t matter because Mama always picks me up after I finish a song and spins me around.
“Schast’ye, my sweet, talented boy.”
Everything I do is great in her eyes, no matter what I think, and Baba says that’s what will make me great one day.
Taking the steps two at a time until I reach the top, I can hear her and Dad talking. Maybe tonight, he’ll want to listen too.
I press my hands into the door, shoving it open with a smile. “Mama, come listen. I can do the entire song!”
But no one else is smiling.
The room feels sad and gray.
“Mama?”
She turns, her white hair spinning with the motion. Her face is all wet and red, a face I’ve never seen before. There are bags in both of her hands.
“Are we going on a trip?” I ask, confused as to why she’s crying. She’d been so happy earlier.
She smiles at me, rushing towards me and dropping her bags. Her arms wrap me up in a hug, and everything feels a little better. It always feels better when she’s around, like I’m safe no matter what happens.
“Thatcher,” she whispers. “You and I are going away for a little while, just us, okay?”
I nod, my eyebrows pulled together. “Can we stop and get those gummy fish I like before we go?”
Her laughter tickles the side of my neck just before she pulls back, petting my hand and running her hands down my face gently, like she’s afraid I’ll disappear if she doesn’t.