Page 55 of The Truths We Burn

She’s in me, everywhere, and I want her the fuck out, right now.

All of her words, all of her actions, they had all been filthy, fucking lies. Every last one of them.

I’m sweating, fuming beneath my clothes, and the shaking in my hands is the worst it’s ever been. I’m positive fumes could be seen radiating off me.

I’m spinning out of control, a downward spiral heading to nothing but a chaotic end, and I need to get out of here. I need to leave. I need to be punished for trusting someone I know is a liar.

“I forgot my chemistry paper at the house. Gonna run and grab it before next block. Catch up with you all later.” I drop my feet to the ground, pushing away from the table I’d just sat down at only moments ago, and walk right out of there.

I’m going to leave—that’s what I tell myself as my feet thud down the hallway. I need to be hit or I need to blow something up before I combust.

Except, as I walk past the theatre doors, I pause.

I know Sage comes here after lunch every day because of her free period. I’d sat in here many days watching her in the back row of the room without her knowing, just to see her in what I thought was her natural element.

I sat there like a fucking puppy. A fool. A fucking chump.Frothing at the mouth like she was some goddess or angel. I sat and watched, thinking of all the things I would do and say to her later. It was how I got through the day without gutting her boyfriend.

It held me off until I saw her again, because if I’m being truthful with myself, the only real place I’d felt anything close to happy was when I was near her. Not just comfort, like with the boys, but actual happiness.

A feeling I hadn’t felt since my mom died.

Goddammit, how could I have done this to myself. How could I have even thought, for one split second, I was capable of being in love.

Even after what Rose said, even after the ring on her finger, this force inside of me keeps trying to defend her. It’s lost on false hope, begging my brain to listen, to be optimistic. That maybe this is all some huge misunderstanding.

It wants to believe in her.

In whatever we were.

I shove the doors open to the theatre, cursing myself.“You pathetic fucking idiot.” My hands pull at my hair, tugging at the strands painfully hard.

Even when I have no reason to believe her, I still wait. I lean against the wall in the darkness, and I continue being the guy who believes in her. I believe in the Sage I saw that night at The Graveyard.

There’s no way she could fake the way her eyes cried out for help.

She could not have forged all those conversations, all those late-night rambles and laughs.

There’s no way.

I stand here waiting as the minutes tick by, going to war with myself, never realizing until this very moment that I’d actually started hoping for something good for once.

Something that doesn’t hurt.

Tricked into thinking I deserve more.

The door opens again, the sound of students outside canceled once it shuts behind her.

I’m not going to drag this out. I want answers.

I need the truth.

“I’ll give it to you, Sage. You’re a hell of an actress.” I push off the wall, stepping closer to her. My body towers over hers even in those strappy heels.

“Rook—”

“Let’s go back to pyro, yeah? Rook is for people who don’t blatantly lie to my goddamn face.” My internal war spews from my mouth, my words not even giving my mind a second to hear her out.

I stare down at those blue-flame-colored eyes and search for something, anything. A flicker of emotion that could kindle my hope so that it doesn’t burn out.

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