Page 72 of Death of the Author

“What happened?”

“He had a heart attack, Zelu,” Amarachi said. She was squeezed ontothe small yellow couch beside their father’s bed with Jackie. “Thankfully, Mom and I were there when it happened.”

Always that undercurrent of accusation whenever any of her siblings spoke to her.

“Is he going to be all right?” Zelu whispered.

“No,” Amarachi snapped. “He’s obviously not.”

“Stop it,” their mother said. “Chinyere, go and see when the doctor is coming to update us.”

Chinyere hesitated, rocking back on her heels. “He said he’d—”

“Just go and see,” their mother said, in a firm tone that made it clear she was not to be questioned again. “Uzo, Amarachi, Bola, Jackie, Tolu—go to the lobby. Shawn and Zelu, you stay here.”

“WhyShawn?” Bola asked. Her boyfriend looked more than pleased, though he was trying to hide it. Ever since they’d started dating, Shawn had always had a way with Omoshalewa.

“Just go,” their mother snapped.

As soon as the room cleared out, Zelu let out a breath, her shoulders relaxing. When she met her mother’s eyes, she realized they were glistening with tears. “Mom?”

“Have faith,” her mother said, taking Zelu’s palm into her left hand and her father’s limp hand in her right.

Shawn sat back on the yellow couch and looked at the floor soberly.

Zelu stood with her mother and watched her mouth move with whispered prayers. She held her father’s hand to complete the circle, squeezing it and watching him sleep. She squeezed harder. Nothing. His hand was cool and damp. His face was slack, his mouth hanging open the slightest bit.

She looked at Shawn, and he looked back at her sympathetically. She mouthed to him, “How bad?”

“Bad,” he mouthed back. Then he shook his head. A jolt of anguish shot through her and fresh tears gathered behind her eyes. Shawn got up and put an arm around her shoulders as her mother continued to squeeze her hand and pray. Zelu leaned her head into Shawn’s shoulder.

A few minutes later, her mother asked if she could be alone with her husband. Zelu and Shawn left the room to join her siblings in the lobby. Zelu plopped down in a corner seat and powered off her exos so she could bend her chest into her lap.

“I’m afraid to go home,” Tolu was saying.

“Me too,” Uzo agreed.

“Just wait for Chinyere to finish talking to the doctor,” Jackie said.

“You weren’t there,” Amarachi suddenly shouted at Jackie. “You didn’t see hisface!”

Jackie pulled her toward him, and she pressed her face into the crook of his neck, her body shaking. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered.

Zelu rubbed her face. Her skin felt tight and itchy. She switched her exos back on. The sound of them powering up must have been like a familial dog whistle to her siblings.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Amarachi said, suddenly turning to Zelu, who had been about to stand up. “Stay your assrightthere.”

Zelu froze. All of them were looking at her now. She could hear Msizi’s voice in her mind.If it gets bad, just leave.But her family was blocking her way. One shove and she’d fall. She hadn’t planned on leaving, just going to the bathroom. They always did this, and it was their problem, not hers. She sat up straighter. Ready to have this fight.

Chinyere suddenly rushed in from the hallway. “Something happened!Come on!”

They all flew through the hospital wing back toward their father’s room. Even before she saw the doorway, she heard the steadybeeeeeeeeeeep. Then her mother’s voice. First it was a cold whisper, then it heated to a hum, then boiled into a shriek. “Secret?Secret?SEEEEECRET!!!!!!!! SEEEEEEEEEEECRET, ooooooo!”

Zelu had never heard her mother make noises like this before. The anguish vibrated through her, rattled her bones. She was right outside the entrance to her father’s room. He was in there. No, he wasn’t. He wasgone. “Oooh,” she softly moaned, wrapping her arms around her midsection, her eyes blurring. “Dad.”

She felt more present in this moment than she’d ever been. Rooted in it. Even as time moved, she was stuck in that split second when her father changed from being alive to being dead. The nurses began rushing in. The doctor Chinyere had been talking to was already in there. A flurry. A tornado. A hurricane. And Zelu had missed her chance to ever talk to her father again.

She didn’t go back into the room to look at him. She didn’t speak to her mother. No one said a word to her, except Jackie, who asked if she was all right, and Shawn, who gave her a tight hug and said, “I’m sorry.”

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