Page 98 of Taking Chances

Matt is the perceptive one now, shooting me a concerned look. “Was?”

I sigh before getting into the whole story. “Uhm… we were friends with benefits for a while. It all started at Bryce’s wedding.” Natalie shoots Matt an ‘I told you so’ look. “But it ended yesterday.”

“Why did it end?”

“Erm… the deal was no feelings, you know? But you know me.” I shrug. “So, it was best to call it off before someone gets hurt.”

“And did it work?” I know exactly what she’s asking. She’s asking if we called it off early enough.

“No,” I whisper, tears welling in my eyes.

“Oh, honey.” She scoots closer, embracing me. Matt does the same on the other side.

“You should have called us yesterday, Anne. We would have kept you company.” Matt draws soothing circles on my back.

“Don’t worry about it. I went to see Maddie.”

Natalie groans, knowing it means I saw the rest of my family, too.

She’s not wrong, seeing them on a good day is dangerous, but seeing them when you’re an emotional wreck is downright masochistic.

“It was better than I expected,” I tell her. “Kaitlyn tried to pull me into her old ways, but I stood my ground.” A proud grin appears on my face. “I told her I don’t want to hear opinions on my life. And if it continues, I will go no contact, no matter how hard that would be for me. I shut her up. For now.”

Natalie squeezes me a little bit harder, but my chest fills with air. Even at my worst, I still haven’t felt like I needed to make her happy. Like I needed to be who she wanted me to be. It wasn’t my favorite dinner ever, but it was fine.

And I owe that to Lennox. He taught me to appreciate myself. Which makes the fact that I lost him even more devastating. In this short period of time, he gave me so much.

A thought pops into my mind.

“Please don’t tell Rina,” I say. Rina is on maternity leave because her due date is getting close. “I don’t want things to be awkward between Connor and Lennox.”

“Sure,” Natalie responds, still holding me. We stay like that, the three of us, until my tears dry out and I’m ready to go back to work.

This whole thing was about taking chances.

I did it. I got hurt, but I also grew so much. In that moment, I decide that as soon as the fresh wound becomes a scab, I’ll be grateful for the experience. I’ll be grateful for what I had with him, even if it led nowhere in the end.

38

LENNOX

My arms burn with the force I’m using to roll the paint roller over the walls in my guest bedroom. I painted the dining room yesterday, and the epoxy-filled dining room table is drying out in the garage.

Anne and I were supposed to just be having sex, but I liked the fact that I was the one she called when she was afraid. I liked the fact that she felt that she could count on me.

Though, I guess it confused her, making her think we’re more than we are. I hated it when she broke things off.

Up. Down.

Sweat trickles down my forehead.

Up. Down.

I’m probably breaking some record in speed painting, but it’s the only thing that slows my mind.

She developed feelings, but my jaded heart isn’t capable of that. Still, it doesn’t mean I won’t miss fucking her. I fucking loved doing that. Or even hanging out with her. Or kissing her just because, like I did the day she broke things off.

What we had was great, but I can’t give her more. I don’t do relationships. People get hurt in relationships. They get stuckin relationships. They fall down the fucking stairs and run into door frames over and over again in relationships.

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