Page 9 of Taking Chances

Thought I don’t consider twenty-eight old, I always thought I would be married by now. Maddie was already one when Kaitlyn turned twenty-eight.

I tune out for the rest of the brunch, nodding and humming when appropriate. This was a disaster, just as I expected, but at least it’s over with.

And I have a new dark romance book prepared for the afternoon. It has a trigger list a mile long, so I think it’s safe to conclude it will help me dissociate from my own problems to deal with the trauma the characters go through.

I always loved reading romance, but as I’m getting older, the books get darker. Not sure why. It’s not like I’m hoping for the things that happen in the books, but something in them draws me in.

Something about the basic primitiveness of desire and need. Of passion and love. Of the freedom to be a 100% yourself with the person who loves you, good or bad or morally gray.

Not that I ever experienced it. The all-consuming passion is a fictional thing to me. And after last night, I don’t know if I ever felt real, romance-book love.

I loved Bryce, of course.

But was that love the reason for my first breath in the morning and the last breath before I fell asleep? Probably not.

Natalie’s chocolatebrown eyes stare me down as soon as I enter the office. “How are you doing, babes?”

“I don’t know, to be honest.”

“Come on, we brought you coffee.” She takes my hand and leads me into the break room of our office. Bywe, she means Matt and her.

They are head over heels in love and got married this summer, even though they had a rough start. Natalie wasn’t open to the idea of relationships while he wanted nothing more, so after a passionate night, they spent over a year hating each other. It took Matt a lot of time to convince her he’s worthy of her trust.

“You should have come to our place yesterday,” Rina says, sliding the reusable coffee cup toward me.

“I was at Kaitlyn’s,” I respond and Rina winces.

“Just to be clear, nothing she said was correct,” Natalie states.

“How would you know? You weren’t there.” I turn to her on the white, plastic chair. The break room is a tiny kitchenette with a table and four chairs, but it works for us. Hopefully, we’ll soon be moving into a new office space, anyway.

“Yeah, but I know enough about Kaitlyn.” Natalie takes a sip of her coffee. I stay silent because she’s right, even though it’s hard for me to admit.

“It wasn’t your fault he cheated.” Rina takes my hand in hers, her eyes emphatic.

“That’s the thing. I don’t even think he cheated. He told me nothing happened physically between the two of them.” Rina and Natalie share a look. “I mean it. He really was a good guy. I don’t think he’d do it.” I sigh. “I think it’s time to acknowledge that maybe I’m the problem. It’s obvious I wasn’t enough to keep any of my boyfriends around,” I say to my fidgeting hands.

“Told you not to listen to Kaitlyn,” Natalie huffs, her hands dropping to her lap.

“It’s not her.” Though she did insinuate the same thing. “It’s how I feel.”

“That’s just crazy talk. . .” Natalie starts speaking when our boss, Kiara Reyes, opens the door.

“Meeting’s starting, guys.” Her gaze pauses on me before she leaves for the conference room. I guess I look as good as I feel.

“Listen to me.” Natalie takes my hand before we get going. “You’re incredible and it’s not your fault those assholes are unable to appreciate it.” I squeeze her hand gratefully, though tears are now threatening to reappear.

We make our way through the open office. Other than the conference room, there are two separate offices. One is Kiara’s, and the other we share when we need it. Our desks sit in the open office space, and while some people might not like it—we love it.

“Good morning, everyone,” Kiara greets us, her kind brown eyes welcoming us. She’s a Latina woman in her late fifties and the best boss you could ask for. “As you all know, year after year, our galas get bigger and more successful. This year, we had a record number of donations, so all our current programs will be able to continue.” We all cheer and clap, though we already heard the news last week. “But today, I’m glad to inform you that we’ll be able to fund new programs going into the new year.” This time, we all cheer louder, and my face even manages to pull into a smile. “So, I’m looking forward to hearing your ideas in January.”

BYC is a non-profit that works with immigrant families in the US. I work in HR, which in the BYC means I mostly work with volunteers who teach after school programs we offer to the kids in our care.

“. . . you can go back to work now. Again, great job!” Kiara claps for us, showing her appreciation. Even though my love life is a crime scene, I’m privileged to have this amazing job.

Of course, my father and Kaitlyn think I’m wasting my time here. They’d rather I sell my soul to a corporation and chase money or titles.

Bryce was the same. Though never pushing me to quit my job, he made it clear he considered his way of climbing the corporate ladder to be therightway.

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