Page 76 of Taming Waves

“She wants you to fight for her. She needs assurance that if she lets you back in, you will be there for her, no matter what happens. Even if she makes things extremely difficult, she wants to know you’re not going anywhere,” she says. “It might not be fair to expect that from you, but it’s what she needs to hear.”

Fuck me.I thought giving her an out was the right thing to do, but I was wrong. It’s the thing that she fears most.

“Now, he gets it,” she murmurs.

I take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. “Thank you,” I whisper, and she smiles back at me. “I need to talk to someone. Can you let Brew know I’ll see him tonight?”

“Sure thing.”

“Rand.”

I knew I had a fifty-fifty chance of finding Audrey’s father in his shop. When I arrive, I find him working on a mid-sized fishing boat on a lift, tinkering with the engine. He looks up from his workbench at the sound of my greeting, his expression stern.

“Come in, Parker. I’ve been expecting you.”

He has?

“Sebby mentioned that you might stop by one day if you ever gathered the courage, and I promised him I’d hear you out if you did.”

“I should have come much sooner,” I say. He grunts as he continues to tinker with the motor, so I proceed. “I owe you an apology for everything that happened back then. I’m sorry. I know I broke your trust.”

He tosses a wrench, and it lands in the toolbox with a loud clank. Then, he grabs a towel and wipes his grease-covered hands.

“You think I care about that? You broke her, son. Losing the baby hurt, but you leaving without a word broke her.”

“I know it did. I was stupid and scared, and I ran like a coward.”

“Why?”

“I thought you hated me, and I couldn’t face you. I was embarrassed because when we left the hospital, I felt relieved. I was even happy. I believed the miscarriage was nature’s way of righting the wrong I had done. But when I looked at her during the ride home, I saw how devastated she was, and I felt something was wrong with me for not feeling the same way. How could I comfort her?”

He lets out a breath. “I didn’t hate you, Parker. I know I was strict, but that was because I didn’t want you two to end up in the situation you did,” he says. “It was natural for you to feel relieved. You two weren’t ready to be parents. That doesn’t mean she didn’t love it. She had been carrying that baby for four months. According to my wife, a mother starts bonding emotionally with her child the moment she sees that positive pregnancy test. So, she was mourning. There was nothing wrong with how she felt, and there was nothing wrong with how you felt. What was wrong was you taking off. A father doesn’t leave.”

His words hit me like physical blows.“A father doesn’t leave.”

He stares me right in the eye as he delivers the next punch.

“And that’s what you were, son. The moment you got her pregnant, you were a father as much as she was a mother. And you abandoned the mother of your child when she needed you most.”

Just like your father.

He doesn’t say the words, but I hear them loud and clear, and it guts me. I became exactly what I had been trying like hell not to be.

I swallow the tears that threaten to fall. “I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t thinking.”

He tosses the towel aside. “I know you didn’t, son,” he says as he grasps the back of my head and pulls me into his chest.

I let the tears fall—tears of mourning, tears of regret, tears of disappointment.

After I let it all out, he sits with me, and I share my experiences in California and Hawaii, my work with Sebby, and my future plans. He doesn’t exactly give me his blessing, but he offers me advice, and he gives me his forgiveness. And that’s a start.

Audrey

Ipick Jake up at Brew’s house, and we go to the Barnacle Café for breakfast. The hostess leads us to a table for two, and we order pancakes and a side of home fries.

“How was poker night?” I ask as I stir cream and sugar into my coffee.

“Fun. Anson took all our money though,” he says.

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