Page 86 of Taming Waves

“I never told anyone. Not a soul,” she says.

I reach for her, and she begins stepping backward.

“Audi …”

“How?” she shouts.

Fuck.

“After we left the hospital that day and I dropped you off at home, I went to the party at Seb’s house. Macy Lynn was there. She gave me your notebook and my letterman jacket. She said you had run off from the graduation ceremony so fast that you forgot them in her car. I saw the list of names you had for the baby. Emily Rose Alston was circled,” I confess.

I watch as she processes the information. Then, I stand.

“You went to a party that night?”

“Yeah, I was … I needed to blow off some steam.”

A wounded sound escapes her as her eyes fill with angry tears. “Blow off some steam?”

I pull my shirt over my head as I walk toward her, but she throws her hand up, and I come to a halt.

“Get out!”

“Audi, baby, I was a mess,” I try to explain.

“Get the fuck out of my house!” she screams.

Parker

“No,” I say as I walk to her. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

“I don’t want you here!”

“Why? Because I fucked up when I was seventeen?”

“Yeah. Exactly. You fucked up, and I’m not going to give you or anyone else the chance to do it again,” she screams.

I turn and jerk my jeans on. “Damn it, Audrey. You stand behind a bar, observing people. You analyze and judge them, and then you sit on your throne of superiority, convinced that you’re better than them because you refuse to let yourself feel those same emotions. You won’t allow yourself to be vulnerable. But at least they’re being genuine. At least they’re truly living. You’re just existing in your glass tower.”

“Superiority? I don’t think I’m superior to anyone,” she sputters.

“You could have fooled me,” I say as I grab my shoes and start for the door.

“Fuck you, Parker. You don’t get to waltz back into my life and judge me.”

I whirl back around to face her. “I get it, okay? I’m the asshole who left,” I admit. “I’ve apologized for that over and over. But you won’t hear me. You wear your anger like a suit of armor so nothing and no one can touch you. But it’s bullshit. You’re just afraid to let yourself be loved because then you’d have to trust in something … in someone other than yourself, and that scares the shit out of you.

“I’m sorry I abandoned you, Audi. I was a stupid kid who made the wrong choices. I was scared and unprepared. And I was too damn blind to see that you were just as scared. You needed me, and I let you down. I got that. But I’m not a kid anymore. I’m a man. And the man I am now wouldn’t leave you. Not ever again.”

“You’re right. I am angry. I’m still fucking furious. You don’t know what it was like for me!” she cries.

“You’re right. I don’t. I couldn’t possibly. But I know what it was like for me, and it was hell.”

“You have no idea what hell is.”

“Then, tell me.”

“Do you really want to know? You want to hear how I had to sit down and tell my parents that night? My dad lost it. He couldn’t even look at me for weeks. I begged him not to go out looking for you. I defended you, telling him how much we were in love. Do you want to understand the pain I was in? I didn’t speak about it because I thought it was normal. But it got so bad that I couldn’t get out of bed, and my mother rushed me back to the emergency room. I developed an infection after the D and C. I was in the hospital for three days. I called you over and over, only to find out from your mother that you’d left. When my father found out, he took great pleasure in letting me know he was right about you. I fell into a deep depression. It felt so dark; I didn’t want to be here anymore. The doctors said it was a combination of my hormones trying to regulate and typicalteenage angst.” She lets out an incredulous laugh. “Normal teenage angst? Can you fucking believe that?”

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