Page 85 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

‘It’s not a hotel,’ I say, irked. ‘You missed breakfast, but I’m sure Tonya will oblige and get you something.’

‘Speaking of hotels,’ Shayne says, and I can see he’s switching from one leg to the other as if he feels awkward. ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d need these.’ He reaches into his back pocket and produces a sealed plastic bag, with a foldable toothbrush and micro toothpaste. ‘I’m not trying to say you’ve bad breath or anything…’ He runs his hand through his hair. ‘But I’m guessing you don’t have any of your stuff with you?’

I recognise the travel-size plastic bag. They sell them downstairs in the tuck shop for silly expensive and I always wondered who would actually buy them. Now I know it’s nice Irish American guys.

‘Thank you. I feel disgusting.’

I take the bag and hurry towards the bathroom. I’m halfway down the corridor when I realise I’m sneaking and trying not to get caught. I laugh at myself, before I slow my pace and make my way to the patients’ bathroom as an actual patient. For the next few minutes at least.

My phone rings as I’m drying my hands.

‘Hello,’ I say.

‘Bea, Jesus, are you okay? I’m so sorry I missed your call.’ Cora’s voice is a mix of the familiar exhaustion we shared in college after a long shift, and panic. ‘I was on the night shift. Is everything okay?’

I think of Ellie watching movies in Malcolm’s sitting room. I think of the tiny toothpaste Shayne bought me. I push the thoughts of the pokey storage room and our closet life aside and, truthfully, I say, ‘I’m okay. Sorry I scared you.’

‘Tell me what you need? I can stop by your apartment and pick stuff up for you. Will one of your flatmates be home?’

My guts twist with the usual guilt that leading Cora to believe my life is wholly different than it is brings.

‘I’m okay,’ I say again, with more conviction this time. ‘I just fainted is all, and I was worried about Ellie. But everything is okay now. I really am sorry for calling and being so dramatic.’

Cora inhales sharply, in a way that hints that she doesn’t believe me.

‘Look, honestly, I’m fine. Just tired and need some sleep. I’m sure you do too after the night shift.’

‘I’m wide awake,’ she says, and I instinctively groan and cover it quickly with a cough. ‘I’d love to pop by for an hour or two,’ she goes on. ‘Check out your new place and cuddle Ellie for a while. I’ll bring soup and some bread from the bakery round the corner from my place. You still love sourdough, right?’

My mouth waters thinking about it. What a lovely way to spend a morning. Warm soup and crusty bread in a cosy flat. Too bad it’s only a dream.

‘Cora, I’m knackered. I’m sorry. Ellie’s in crèche and I’m going to crawl into bed for a while. I hope you understand.’

‘Course, course,’ she says, and I can imagine her animated body language as she tries to hide her disappointment.

‘But we’ll catch up soon,’ I say. I promise myself that we will. Maybe a walk in the park, or a stroll by the Liffey. Something that doesn’t cost a penny.

‘Sure,’ Cora says, and something about her tone feels off. As if there is something she’s not saying. I can’t get off the phone fast enough.

‘Bye,’ I say.

‘Bye.’

I return to the ward with fresh breath, and feel lighter just seeing Shayne sitting on the edge of my hospital bed, waiting.

‘Let’s get you out of here,’ he says, hopping up.

Tonya is setting a fresh tray down on the woman’s table.

‘You going home, Bea?’ she asks, with a smile that tells me she’s happy I’ve been discharged.

‘I’ll be in work tomorrow,’ I say.

‘Didn’t you get a doctor’s letter, surely you need some time off?’

‘Nah, I’m all good,’ I lie. ‘See you tomorrow.’

THIRTY-FIVE

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