Page 18 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

I can only imagine Ellie’s face when she wakes up on Christmas morning and finds Santa has left her a multicoloured house that’s just about as tall as she is. I cannot wait. And for a moment, I almost forget that wishing for Christmas meanswishing us closer to leaving the flat. I try not to let my head go there.

When the staff guy says, ‘Oh and I’m sorry but we’ve no box, so I can give you an extra ten per cent off, if that’s any good?’ I have to fight the urge to hug him.

‘That’s perfect. Thank you so much.’

I pay, and can’t believe I have enough left over to buy a small turkey and ham and some Christmas crackers. Getting on and off the bus with a giant doll’s house is ridiculously difficult and people stare. One woman even scolds me. ‘Couldn’t you wait until you got home to assemble that thing, like a normal person? You’re taking up all the space.’

Iamtaking up an inordinate amount of space. I place it on my knee, but it juts out into the aisle and another woman with a buggy can’t pass by. I try shoving it the other way but the man beside me complains that it’s crushing him. And yet, I cannot stop smiling. It will all be worth it on Christmas morning.

I make it back to the apartment just in time to hide it in the wardrobe before Cora and Ellie return. I hear them in the hallway singing some song, obviously from the movie, and when I open the door Ellie greets me with sticky green lips and a luminous green tongue.

‘She wanted a slushie.’ Cora makes a face. ‘I hope that’s okay.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Those fizzy apple yokes are quite nice,’ she says, staring at the nearly empty slushie that Ellie is sipping.

I smile. I’ve never bought Ellie one before. Declan has, of course.

I step aside so Cora and Ellie can come in. Ellie kicks off her shoes and goes straight for the couch, hoping for some TV before bed.

‘And this is for us,’ Cora tells me, rattling the plastic bag dangling from her hands. I hear a wine bottle clink and I smell Chinese food.

‘Oh Cora, I…’ I choke back emotion.

My best friend smiles. ‘Tell you what, why don’t you plate this up and open the wine. I’ll get that little munchkin of yours to bed, yeah?’

My stomach rumbles loudly and I realise I haven’t eaten yet today, and something tells me Cora knows it. I look for the bottle opener as Cora takes Ellie by the hand and promises to readWinnie the Pooh.

‘Of course I can do the voices,’ I hear her say over the sound of brushing teeth in the bathroom.

Although Ellie is asleep in record time, by the time Cora returns I’ve devoured half the takeaway and I’ve knocked back a glass of wine.

‘Sorry. Oops, sorry. I was starving.’

Cora doesn’t tell me she knows, but her face says it all.

‘It’s okay. I had pizza with Ellie. The chow mein was for you.’

‘But there’s two?’

‘Thought you could put the leftovers away for tomorrow, maybe? Ellie couldn’t decide between pizza or Chinese earlier, so this way she can have both.’

I throw my arms round her and hold her tighter than I have in years.

‘I love you, you know.’

Cora knows. And I know just how much she cares about me, but, ever awkward with affection, she wriggles free and says, ‘Well, if you love me that much, you’ll pour me a glass of wine.’

I pour a large glass for her and top up my own, and, already feeling a little tipsy, I lead us towards the sofa in the open-plan living room. I turn on the telly, for some background noise, and I pour my heart out to my best friend.

‘Oh, Jesus, Bea. I had no idea it was that bad. Why did you put up with him for so long?’

‘Because I never thought of it as putting up with him. I was happy. I loved him. I never considered that he was the one with the good job, and the security, and that if he left me I would be screwed. Because I never thought he would leave me.’

‘Are you going to confront the wife? You should. I would. I’ll go with you, if you like.’

I have no doubt Cora would. She would go round to their house and beat their front door down if I let her.

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