Page 11 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

He fetches his case, and says, ‘I really am sorry, Bea.’

I follow him into the sitting room, where he bends over the back of the sofa to kiss Ellie’s head. She giggles, but she doesn’t take her eyes off the telly.

‘Goodbye, beautiful girl,’ he whispers, choking up.

‘Bye-bye, Daddy,’ Ellie chirps, so used to a quick kiss from her father before he dashes off to the airport not to be home again for days.

My heart almost stops beating knowing that, some day, she will realise he is not coming home again.

‘Declan?’ I say, as he reaches for the front door.

He turns back to look at me, and neither of us have words. He is not the man I thought he was, and now, with my life in tatters, I am not the woman I thought I would become. I follow him into the hall and call after him again. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m expecting him to turn round and tell me it’s all a big horrible mistake and he loves me and Ellie, and he’ll fix everything.

‘Declan,’ I try one more time, loud and scratchy.

I hear our neighbour’s yappy dogs bark, before her door swings open and she glares at me in her dressing gown and slippers.

‘What’s all this?’ she says. ‘Who’s shouting?’

‘Sorry, Mrs…’ I search my brain for her name but, as always, I just can’t remember. Ellie and I call her the dog lady, because she is never without dogs on leashes despite the sign downstairs that clearly statesno pets.

‘No one’s shouting, MrsJohnson,’ Declan says.

‘Another trip.’ She smiles at his case. ‘Some job you have. Who wouldn’t love to travel the world.’

‘Ah, it’s not as glamorous as it seems. It can be a lonely business.’ He sighs.

It’s exactly what he said to me when we first met, and I felt so sad imagining him all alone in one hotel room after another that I fell into bed with him. I doubt he would want to share a bedwith MrsJohnson, her dogs or her flannel slippers, but he just can’t shake off the charm, even as he abandons his daughter.

‘Go back inside, MrsJohnson,’ I say, and it comes out like a direct order.

‘Excuse me,’ she snaps back.

‘Bea is right, MrsJohnson. It’s freezing out here, and you don’t want to get sick for Christmas,’ Declan says as if he’s terribly concerned for her health.

She giggles like a smitten schoolgirl. ‘You’re right. Absolutely. My Chi-Chi and Co-Co need me well.’ She rubs the two small balls of gleaming white fur at her feet and closes the door.

Declan turns away without another word and continues walking.

‘I hate you,’ I shout, half expecting MrsJohnson’s door to fly open again. ‘I fucking hate you.’

Finally, he stops and turns back. ‘No, you don’t,’ he says with a confidence that makes me want to throw something. ‘But I hope you do. I hope when you wake up tomorrow you hate my guts. It will make this all easier.’

‘I already do. I hate you,’ I repeat, louder than ever. ‘I hate you, I hate you, I hat?—’

I cut myself off quickly as I feel small hands wrap round my legs. I look down to find a head of golden curls snuggled against my hip. When I look back, Declan has turned the corner and is gone. I hear the upbeat theme tune of CBeebies ending for the day coming from our apartment, and Ellie breaks away from me and says, ‘I’m hungry.’

I look into my little girl’s big, beautiful eyes and I wonder how anyone could ever possibly leave her.

FOUR

‘Oh, Bea, no. You can’t be serious.’

I called Cora as soon as I could. It took ages to get Ellie settled tonight. I did my best to keep it together, but I suspect she could sense something. I saw a TikTok with some kids’ psychologist recently, that said young children pick up on the things we don’t say. I wonder if she can tell how full of hate and hurt I am right now. God, I hope not. My voice cracked as I readWinnie the Pooh and Friendsfor the umpteenth time and tickled her arm for what felt like infinity. When she finally dropped off, I cried in the loo for over an hour.

‘I knew he was bad news. From the bloody start,’ Cora says, as I sit on the edge of the bath and hold my phone shakily to my ear. ‘I said it, didn’t I?’

‘Yeah.’ I sigh, thinking about all the times Cora raised red flags and I took offence.

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