Page 109 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

I nod. The window opens and this time when he says my name I hear something in his voice. He’s not happy to see me. I take a step back, realising how strange this must be for him. It’slate, on one of the biggest nights of the year, and I have turned up on his grandfather’s doorstep screaming like a banshee and begging to be let in. He must think I’m absolutely mad. And right now, I can’t argue that I’m not.

‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ he says.

‘Everything,’ I say. The honesty slips out of me so quickly that it doesn’t have time to shock me.

‘Hang on. I’m coming down.’

I hear heavy footsteps race down the stairs and the door opens quickly. He’s wearing a grey tracksuit and the colour washes him out, or else he’s unwell, because his face is worryingly pale.

My staring must make him uncomfortable, because he runs his hand over his hair and says, ‘I wasn’t expecting anyone.’

‘I know. I’m sorry.’

He doesn’t say another word, just steps aside, and I know it’s okay for Ellie and me to come in. He closes the door behind us and when the heat of the house surrounds me I realise how very cold it was outside after all.

‘Can I watch telly?’ Ellie asks, and makes her way towards the sitting room without waiting for Shayne’s answer.

‘I’m sorry, she?—’

‘What’s wrong?’ he says, cutting across me.

I swallow hard. ‘I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just…’ I push my shoulders back and steady myself. ‘You weren’t replying to any of my messages.’

‘You came all the way across town to tell me to text you?’

I shake my head and tears swell in my eyes, I try not to blink.

‘I was giving you some space. I don’t want to mess things up for you with Ellie’s dad.’

I wipe my eyes, suddenly not teary any more. ‘What?’

‘Ellie told Grandad that her dad is back in the picture.’

‘She said that?’

‘Well actually, I think it was something about cookies. Grandad just read between the lines.’

Thoughts swirl inside my head like a mini tornado. I can’t seem to grab hold of a single one.

‘This timing is awful but I have to tell you,’ Shayne says, glancing over his shoulder towards the stairs, and I think he might be expecting Malcolm to join us at any moment and there’s something he wants to get out first.

Even if I could find my voice, I wouldn’t say anything right now. Because whatever Shayne has to say, I want to hear it.

‘Maybe I shouldn’t say this. Actually, I definitely shouldn’t. But I like you, Bea. I feel things when I’m around you. It’s kind of why I didn’t go back to New York. I wanted more time with you. And thank God I did, because it gave me more time with Grandad too.’

I open my mouth and still nothing comes out.

‘And I know how inappropriate this is. You’re trying to fix things with your ex. He’s Ellie’s dad for God’s sake. And here I am dumping all this on you. But don’t worry, I’ll be gone soon. After—’ His voice breaks and he cuts himself off.

The television comes to life in the sitting room and sound carries towards us through the open door. And finally, when I know Ellie can’t hear me over the sound of a TV presenter’s enthusiastic New Year’s Eve hyping, I find words.

‘Malcolm is wrong. Declan is not back. He never will be. It’s over.’

A wave of emotions plays out on Shayne’s face. Surprise. Relief. Concern and finally confusion.

‘But Ellie said he was at your apartment.’

‘We met at the coffee shop below the apartment.’

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