Page 9 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

‘Are you leaving her?’ I ask, my voice cracking like radio static.

He doesn’t reply.

‘Is she leaving you?’

He shakes his head.

Finally, the realisation of what’s really happening slices through me like a sharp blade. ‘You’re leaving me. Us.’

‘They’re my family,’ he says, softly. ‘Elsa and the boys. They’re everything, Bea.’

Tears spill down my cheeks, but I’m not crying. I’m too broken to cry. ‘And what about us? What are we? Ellie is your daughter.’

‘It was a mistake.’

I clutch my chest, wounded deeper than ever.

‘She is not a mistake,’ I hiss. ‘She is the best of us.’

He’s still shaking his head and it turns my stomach. ‘It was just supposed to be a little fun. You were so young and beautiful. And, like I said, Elsa was okay with me having a little fun while I was away from home. But then you got pregnant. And, well, to be quite honest, Bea, I didn’t sign up for that.’

‘And you think I did? I was in college, for God’s sake. I gave everything up for you.’

‘No,’ he says, firmly. ‘You gave everything up for Ellie.’

I swallow hard. I can’t argue with that.

‘You’re a great mother, Bea. And if things were different with Elsa and me, we could have a great life. We could, I promise. But I can’t leave her. I love her. I love my boys.’

‘So, what happens now?’ I ask, as tears wet the collar of my uniform. ‘Does she want to meet Ellie?’

‘No. God no.’ He jumps back, clearly horrified by the idea.

I nod. I get it. This must all be as shocking for his wife as it is for me.

‘Okay,’ I say, trying desperately to gather my thoughts. ‘Just the kids, then.’

‘What?’

‘Ellie and your sons. They need to meet, don’t they? They’re siblings.’

‘Half-siblings,’ he snaps, coldly. ‘And no. They won’t be meeting. The boys don’t know about her. They won’t ever know about her.’

‘I… I…’

‘Elsa and I have agreed to put this behind us. For the boys’ sake. We have a perfect family. I will not let anything destroy that.’

‘You have a perfect lie.’

He shrugs. ‘I’m sorry, Bea. It was never meant to get this far. You’re a great girl and I didn’t mean to mess things up for you.’

‘And Ellie – how are you going to explain this to your daughter?’

‘I’m not.’

My mouth gapes. ‘You’re going to keep lying to her too, are you? Well, no.’ I stomp my foot and realise my toes have gone numb from the cold. ‘Your wife might be happy for you to live this pretend,perfectlife.’ I add air quotes, that instantly annoying him. ‘But I’m not. I have to tell Ellie that she has brothers. I want her to meet them. Have a relationship with them. I never had a family. I don’t want that for Ellie.’

He’s shaking his head again. ‘Absolutely not. I told you, the boys can’t ever know about this. About any of this. And that includes Ellie. I’m sorry.’

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