Page 76 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

‘Scrub window ledge.’ I nod. ‘Sure. No problem.’

She walks away, but then stops abruptly to turn her head over her shoulder.

‘Oh and you won’t?—’

‘Tell anyone about this,’ I finish for her. ‘No, of course not.’

Another tear falls and she catches it on the top of her finger as she mouths, ‘Thank you.’

I wait until she is long gone before I press my foot on the pedal of the bin and duck my head in. It smells of yoghurt and rotting apples and I gag before I retrieve the card. The bin lid snaps shut with a loud clank and I hurry into the patients’ bathroom. Safe behind a stall door, I sit on the loo and open the card.

My dearest Elaine,

This is not easy to write, but I am running out of time and I cannot bear to go without telling you I love you. Since I don’t have a current address for you, I’ve been stopping by your workplace in the hope of bumping into you. But the truth is, Idon’t even know if you work here any more. And yet, I can’t seem to stay away. What an old fool I am. I hope this reaches you. And I hope some day you can forgive me. I love you and I never stopped.

Dad x

My heart aches. I suspect delivering this card is why Malcolm was at the hospital on Christmas morning. Trying to repair the broken bonds with his daughter is what has brought Malcolm and Shayne into my life. I have to help. I have to help Malcolm and Elaine heal. I just have no idea how.

The rest of the day passes in a blur. It’s almost impossible to get the sticky gunk off the window ledge. I get it eventually, but the time eats into my day and the rest of my workload piles up. I am almost a full hour late to pick Ellie up. Alannah is behind the reception desk with a face like she’s been sucking lemons.

‘Tough day?’ she asks.

‘Yes.’ I nod, feeling a bead of perspiration trickling from my underarm to my inner elbow.

‘I hear ya,’ she says, pressing her fingers against her temples for effect. ‘But at least it’s nearly the new year. Any nice plans for New Year’s Eve?’

‘No babysitter,’ I say, quickly.

‘Ah. Pity. I’m going into town with a few of the girls from here. There’s a black-tie thing on in the Westbury. Should be a bit of craic. Just nice to have a chance to dress up, you know yourself.’

I nod as if I know. But I have never set foot inside the Westbury in my life. I doubt I could afford a glass of water in the place, never mind an actual ball. I give myself a moment to imagine it and I decide it must be as close as you can get to being a real-life Disney princess for a night.

‘So that’ll be fifty euro, please,’ Alannah says, holding out her hand for the late fee.

My mouth gapes. ‘What? No. You said twenty-five an hour.’

‘Or part thereof.’ She looks at her watch. ‘It’s an hour and four minutes, so…’

I scoff. ‘Four minutes. You’re joking, right?’

She clicks her tongue against her teeth. ‘Sorry. ’Fraid not. I’d love to let it slide, but the other parents…you know…wouldn’t be fair. Has to be the same rules for everyone.’

‘I’m not asking for special treatment.’

‘I know. I know,’ she says in a way that implies asking for special treatment is exactly what I’m doing. ‘But if the other parents find out, there’ll be complaints.’ She presses her temples again. ‘So I really can’t?—’

‘But we’ve been standing here talking for at least five minutes. I wasn’t more than an hour late.’

‘But Ellie is still inside, so technically…’

‘This is ridiculous,’ I snap.

Alannah shoves the card machine at me and stares blankly. The screen requests €50 and my chest constricts as I tap my card. I could cry that my coffee-with-Shayne budget has just gone on Alannah’s big mouth. I can’t stand her, I decide. If she wasn’t running one of the cheapest crèches in Dublin, I’d tell her to her face or punch her. I probably wouldn’t actually punch her, but just thinking about it makes me smile.

She takes the card machine back with smug satisfaction and says, ‘I’ll get Ellie for you now.’

Ellie comes skipping into reception. I notice the yellow paint on her cheek and in her hair before I notice the painting she’s proudly carrying. She shoves the paper towards me.

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