Page 110 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

‘I know the one.’ He nods, clearly remembering Christmas and John.Bloody John.I came here desperate to tell Shayneabout John, but suddenly I don’t want to give men like John or Declan any space in my head.

‘It was just a coffee,’ I go on.

Shayne tilts his head. ‘He didn’t stay over?’

I snort. ‘He couldn’t. We don’t live there any more.’

Shayne looks more confused than ever.

‘You moved?’

I have to tell Shayne the truth. Not because I’ve shown up on his grandfather’s doorstep in a fit of blind panic. Not because I have nowhere to go. But because I want to. I need to confide in someone and I desperately want that someone to be him. A good man. The type of man my father was. So different from the type of man Ellie’s father is. I inhale until my lungs feel as if they might burst and I blurt, ‘We’re homeless.’

‘Sorry?’ he says, as if he didn’t quite hear me.

‘Ellie and me. We’re homeless. We have been for a few weeks. Declan left and I can’t afford rent. We’ve been living at the hospital since.’

His hand is in his hair again and his face is all scrunched up. It’s so hard to say, but looking at Shayne I think it might also be hard to hear.

‘Your mam found us tonight. Well, she found Ellie. In the storage closet. That’s where we’ve been sleeping.’

‘Fuck!’

‘Yeah. A bit of a shitshow.’

‘So what did she do?’ His voice is gentle, like summer rain, and I can tell he’s fearful of spooking me. But I won’t run. Not from him.

‘She sent us to a shelter.’

He shakes his head. ‘Those places can be?—’

‘Awful,’ I cut in before he has to say more.

‘Tough,’ he says.

‘Yeah!’

‘Why didn’t you come here?’

I don’t tell him I wanted to but he wouldn’t answer his phone. I don’t want to put that on him. I also keep quiet about John and big Lizzie. Thankfully, nothing happened besides a couple of assholes scaring the crap out of Ellie and me.

‘I’m here now,’ I say.

He smiles. ‘You are.’

Shayne takes my hands in his and it’s been such a long time since I’ve felt the touch of another adult that a warm fuzziness builds inside me. He strokes his thumb over and back across my palms.

‘You can stay here,’ he says with a confident nod. ‘You and Ellie, as long as you need to.’

I smile. He’s kind and his thumb is sending pulses down my spine. But he can’t invite us in. This is Malcolm’s house.

‘Shouldn’t we ask your grandfather first?’ I say, meekly.

I notice for the first time that Shayne’s eyes are red and puffy. Redder and puffier than mine. In my own fit of panic, I didn’t notice before now.Shit!

‘Shayne?’ I say, gently.

He shakes his head. ‘He’s at the hospital. I’d just got back when you arrived.’

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