Page 106 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

‘Will you shut the fuck up,’ someone shouts from across the dorm. Ellie wakes with a jolt and grabs my arm, wide-eyed and trembling. I pull her close to me.

‘What was that?’ Cora asks.

‘I gotta go.’ I hang up, panicking as a tall woman with bleached-blond hair and fiery eyes charges towards me.

‘You think you’re the only one with problems?’ she continues to shout, even though she’s right next to me and Ellie now.

Ellie screams and I can feel her racing heart through her little chest.

‘You’re killin’ me buzz,’ she says. Close up I can see her eyes are glassy and her pupils are dilated.

I wonder if she can see me. Or Ellie. Or if we are a blur.

‘Please,’ I say, placing my finger over my lips. ‘You’re scaring my daughter.’

‘Oh, you’re scaring my kid,’ she mimics.

Ellie starts to cry. ‘I want to go home,’ she sobs as she ducks behind me, hiding as best she can.

The woman presses her hands over her ears as if the noise hurts. The noise outside her head, or the noise inside. I’m not sure. But I’ve been there. I know what it’s like when your mind is so busy that the sound of a pin dropping is enough to slice your brain in half.

‘Are you okay?’ I ask.

She lowers her hands and there is a moment where I think she will apologise, or open up maybe, but without warning her hands are in my hair and she’s tugging me off the bed. Ellie tries to keep hold of me and I reach for her, but I’m dragged away.

I scream.

‘Let my mammy go,’ Ellie cries, standing on the bed like a tiny solider trying to help.

The woman tugs harder and I feel bits of my hair pull away from my scalp as I struggle against her. My arms flap and my shoulders buck as I try to shake her off.

‘Stop it. Stop it,’ Ellie screeches.

I feel the woman’s grip on me slacken for a moment and my heart races faster than ever; I’m afraid that when she lets go of me she’ll hurt Ellie. I take a deep breath and jam my elbow into the woman’s ribs with as much force as I possibly can. A guttural grunt bursts out of her. Ellie yelps again. But my efforts seem to strengthen the woman’s resolve and she slips an arm round my neck, pressing on my windpipe. I will Ellie to run for help, but she’s frozen in place, scared and screaming.

Suddenly, I recognise a man racing towards us. John! From the street.

‘Let her go,’ he bellows.

The tugging stops and I can straighten my head.

‘Ah you’re no fun, John,’ the woman complains, rolling her eyes. ‘I was only fucking with her. I do it to all the newbies. You should see your face.’ She chuckles, pointing at me. ‘Bloody hilarious. Like you’re going to piss your pants. I wouldn’t have hurt ya, you know.

I rub my neck where she has very much hurt me, and then I race to Ellie and hold her tight.

‘You all right?’ John asks.

He looks the same, yet different. He’s wearing a clean flannel shirt and jeans and he’s had a haircut and a shave. He looks well rested too, just like any regular man. Equating him with the homeless man at death’s door that Shayne and I took to the hospital is almost impossible.

‘Don’t mind her.’ He points towards the woman. ‘She’s harmless, really.’

I glare at her. It hurts to breathe and I am certain my neck is already starting to bruise.

‘Come on. Let’s get you a cuppa or something.’

The last thing I want right now is tea, but I need to get Ellie out of this room. I need to get her to safety. I need to let John help.

John leads us towards a small kitchenette and fills a kettle with some water.

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