Page 103 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

‘Who’s this?’ I ask.

‘Eh, who are you?’ she says, becoming guarded.

‘I… eh… I’m Bea.’

‘Right. Hi, Bea. Declan is in the shower at the moment, do you want me to give him a message?’

‘The shower?’

‘Yes. Are you all right?’ she asks.

‘How do you know Declan?’ I ask.

‘Excuse me?’

‘You answered his phone, and you said he’s in the shower. I’m wondering how you know him; it seems?—’

‘I’m his girlfriend,’ she snaps, clearly irritated. ‘He doesn’t mind me answering his phone.’

I find that hard to believe, but that’s the least of my concerns right now. Declan has a girlfriend. A bloody girlfriend. Jesus. One of how many, I wonder. There could be tonnes of us.

‘But I’m his girlfriend,’ I say.

I almost feel guilty when I hear her gasp. She is clearly as naive as I once was. Falling under Declan’s spell.

‘Who did you say you are?’ she says, and it sounds like she swallows her gum.

I hang up.

Elaine is watching me with inquisitive eyes. ‘Is he coming?’

I regret the prosecco as acid works its way up the back of my throat and I feel as if I might be sick.

‘Just one more call,’ I say.

Elaine folds her arms. Ellie dances on the spot. I call Shayne. It rings out.Oh God!I try again. Nothing. On the third failed attempt Elaine loses patience.

‘Do you have somewhere to go?’ she asks.

For a moment I consider whether Ellie and I could sleep outside, maybe under a tree or in a doorway, but I shake the idea off as dangerous almost instantly. I wonder if we could check into a hotel, but I only have the budget for a night or two and what would we do then? Finally, when my gut clenches as if a fist is burrowing into it, I look Elaine in the eyes and shake my head.

She exhales sharply, and her face fills with sadness. ‘The shelters will almost definitely be full by now,’ she says, looking at her watch. ‘But I know someone at StClement’s. They owe me a few favours.’

My guts tighten more, until it makes me bend in the middle. ‘No, please. They’ll take Ellie. They’ll put her into care.’

‘Oh, Bea.’

‘Please,’ I beg. ‘Please. I can’t lose her. She’s all I have in the world.’

Elaine sighs. ‘They have family rooms. Not many, but some. No one is going to take Ellie away, okay?’

My heart races. I want to believe her, but I’m not sure I do. I decide that, if they try, I will call Declan again. Girlfriends or not, I will call him. I never want Ellie to feel as lonely as I once did. If she can’t be with me, then at least she has her father.

Ellie spins into the wall, bangs her head and begins to cry. I pick her up and hold her close, comforting her, and her small, warm body comforts me back.

Elaine lowers her mobile from her ear and says, ‘Right. They have space.’

Finally, I cry. Raspy heaves spill out of me and, even when it startles Ellie, I can’t stop.

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