Page 102 of The Secret Life of Beatrice Alright

‘Ouch,’ Ellie protests, but I don’t let go. ‘Mammy, you’re squishing me.’

I loosen my grip as the door swings open and Elaine takes in the view of blankets on the floor, Tesco bags of our stuff poking out there and there. Ellie’s colouring book and pencils on a shelf. Our toothbrushes in a plastic cup, and some clothes that I hand-washed in the bathroom sink earlier hanging to dry over the handle of the floor polisher.

Elaine’s hands cup her face and her shoulders round as she says, ‘Oh, Bea.’

I have no words as I stare inside the small, dimly lit space where it is obvious Ellie and I have been sleeping. Have been living. Tears trickle down my cheeks, but I am not crying. I am too panicked to cry.

‘Oh, Bea,’ Elaine repeats. ‘How long?’

I let go of Ellie’s hand to drag my hands around my face. Lies spin through my head at lightning speed.It’s not what you think. I’m just storing some stuff there. We stay over to get ahead of traffic. I was bagging up clothes for charity.But anything I can think of sounds stupid and ridiculous and doesn’t hide the blatantly obvious.

‘How long?’ Elaine repeats, gently.

Tears are falling fast and heavy now. They fall off my chin and splash onto the collar of my top. ‘A couple of weeks or thereabouts.’

‘Jesus, Bea.’

‘Ellie’s dad left and I couldn’t afford rent on my own.’

‘Had you nowhere else?’

I shake my head.

‘A friend.’

‘We tried, but her boyfriend…’ I trail off.

‘Right, yes, okay. And Ellie’s dad, does he know what’s happened? Where is he now?’

I rub my eyes and gather myself. ‘He’s back. We’re back together,’ I say, the words hurting as I push them out. I hate Declan for putting me and Ellie in this position. But I hate him even more, right now, for leaving me with no choice but to take him back. ‘Ellie and I are going home. He’s sorting the flat literally as we speak. Please don’t fire me.’

‘Christ, Bea. Your job is the least of your worries right now.’

‘Please,’ I beg.

‘Okay, okay,’ she says, quickly. ‘Calm down. I’m not going to fire you. Your job is safe. I just want to make sure you’re safe too. Is Daniel at the flat?’

‘Declan,’ I correct. ‘Um. Not exactly. Not yet. But he’s sorting it.’

‘Do you have somewhere to go tonight, Bea? You cannot stay here.’

‘I… I…’

Oh God, why can’t I speak. And I just peed but I feel as if I need the loo again. My whole body is struggling to function. Ellie is spinning on the spot, humming a Christmas song to herself, oblivious to our lives falling apart. Thank God.

‘Yes,’ I say, at last. ‘I’ll call him. I’ll call Declan. He’ll come get us.’

Elaine nods and I can tell she wonders, if it’s that simple, what we were ever doing in the closet in the first place. If only she knew.

My hands are trembling as I take my phone out of my pocket and I almost drop it a couple of times before I manage to press the call button. It rings for a while before an answer comes.

‘Hello?’

I jolt when a female voice answers and my instinct is to hang up, but Elaine is staring at me. I have to keep it together.

‘Hello,’ I reply. ‘Is this Declan’s phone?’

‘Yeah,’ she says, and I hear that she’s chewing gum.

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