Page 31 of Hunting for Redemption

I stare down at my hand. This woman’s heart is in my hand, blood dripping down my fingers onto the floor. My mouth waters. The bloodlust is clouding my head, making it hard to focus on anything but her heart. Drip. Drip. Drip.

It would be so easy to bring it to my lips. It would be so easy to drink from it, to eat the flesh, to have this warm inside my belly. I want it. My fangs ache with how much I want it.

“Jeff?” I let out a hiss, taking a step back. My eyes meet Martin’s and I freeze. “Hey,” he whispers, holding up his hands in surrender. My eyes follow the movement until I’m looking over Martin’s shoulder, right into some glass.

I see my reflection and my stomach sinks. Like cold water is thrown over my head. I look like a monster. My eyes are the same bloodshot red as the woman’s, my fangs on full display. There’s blood dripping from my hand that’s holding a literal heart.

I drop the heart like I’ve been burned.

Oh gods.

I close my eyes, trying to find the self-control that Axel has taught me. I take a steadying breath, focusing on the smell of fresh rain, focusing on Axel. I can do this. I can remember how to be Jeff rather than the monster I’ve become.

When I open my eyes again, the red is gone, leaving my usual eyes. Martin relaxes, putting his hands back down. I can hear him murmuring into his ear piece that he’s found us and that we’re both okay.

I quickly fall to my knees before Axel, untying him. “I’m so sorry,” I murmur, feeling utterly devastated that I’ve somehow let this happen. “I’m so sorry, Axel.”

“Hey, hey,” he murmurs, his hands going to my hair the moment they’re untied. “This is not your fault, Jeff. You saved me. I knew you’d come for me.”

I look up at him. “I will always come for you.”

“I know you will. I’m so proud of you. Not only did you save me but you stopped yourself, Jeff. You could have let yourself lose control, but you didn’t.”

“Only just barely,” I say under my breath, helping Axel to stand before lifting him off his feet and carrying him bridal style in my arms.

“Shush. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I’m safe and you didn’t lose control. Focus on the good for once, Jeff.”

“He’s right,” Martin says, getting into step with me. “You did good today, bossman.” Then shyly he adds, “if that were me, I don’t think I would have been able to stop.”

“I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for you coming in.”

“That’s why we’re a team,” he tells me seriously. “When one of us is ready to give up, there’s another one of us there to pick up the pieces and push each other on. That’s what family is for.”

Axel tucks his face against the underside of my neck, breathing me in. With him safe in my arms I feel like I can breathe again. When we eventually get back to the campground, Ronny and Cooper are there to receive us, checking up on both Axel and I to make sure we’re okay.

“Where’s Carlos?” Axel asks, looking around for him.

“Sleeping,” Cooper says with a frown. “He didn’t take this whole situation very well. Give him some time to recover.”

“He’s not blaming himself, is he?”

Cooper shrugs. “You know he is,” he says in a hushed tone. “Plus, the blood loss has him tired as hell. I’ve sent him to bed once we knew you were safe.”

Axel tightens his arms around himself. “I’ll talk with him in the morning. He needs to know this wasn’t his fault. We can’t control what other people do, only how we react and he did the right thing. He got help the moment he could.”

I keep Axel tucked tight against my side. “You’re right. But sometimes that’s not an easy lesson to learn.”

He looks up at me, giving me a knowing look. “One that you could learn as well.”

After everyone has given Axel a tight hug, I pull him into my RV, needing to hold him. Under the safety of the blankets with his head against my chest, I finally let myself process what the fuck just happened.

“I almost lost you today,” I murmur, my voice just barely audible. “I would have never forgiven myself.”

“The same way you don’t forgive yourself of your family’s crimes?”

“Jesus, Axel. Give a guy a break. We just went through something traumatic!”

Axel tightens his arms around me. “If you’re still searching for redemption, consider it granted in my eyes,” he says after a moment. He leans up on his elbows in order to place a chaste kiss against my lips.

“You really think so?”

“Yes,” he says without even needing to think about it. “Without a doubt.”

I don’t say anything more. We lapse into silence and after a little bit, I can feel Axel fall asleep. I stay awake a long time, thinking about what Axel said. He’s my true mate, the one who’s supposed to complete me. I love him more than words can say and somehow, he sees me as someone who doesn’t need redemption.

Could I believe him?

I’m not sure, but in this moment I decide I’m going to try.

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