Page 6 of Our Time

“I swear you need a new mattress, Ryder.”

“It’s not the mattress! Maybe I keep sleeping funny.”

“For months? You just don’t want to admit that I’m right.”

“Stubborn alpha.”

Ben just rolls his eyes, flopping back onto the couch with his phone in his hands, completely ignoring me. I stick my tongue out at him and the tips of his lips curl up into a smile, somehow seeing me from the corner of his eye.

I make my way to the bathroom, bringing my bag with me. I didn’t know for sure I was coming here when I left my place this morning, but I hoped.

I take my time in the shower, letting the water run over my body and heat up my sore muscles. I wash my face, my body, and my hair, enjoying the feeling of scrubbing everything clean and washing the day away. The hot shower really was a good idea and my muscles all slowly relax until I’m a pink pile of omega goo.

Once I’m out of the shower and dried off, I moisturize my face, cover up the scar on my throat, and brush through my hair. Then I get into my pajamas. I rifle through my backpack until I find my bottle of suppressants. I open the bottle, pouring one little pill into my palm. Fuck. I’m almost out.

After popping the pill into my mouth, I open my phone, setting myself a reminder to call my doctor. I get a year’s supply of my heat suppressants, but once I run out, I have to schedule an appointment with her. She likes me to go into heat once every other year, just to make sure everything is still working properly and that my hormone levels aren’t all fucked up. Hopefully my heat will stay away until after my road trip with Ben. As much as I dream about the day I share a heat with Ben, that doesn’t mean I want to spring that on him out of nowhere.

Thinking about heat and Ben together leaves a sour feeling in my stomach that I instinctively push away. Bad memories threaten to overwhelm me. That’s the last thing I want to think about right now. I pack up my backpack again, doing my best to keep my mind busy with other things so I don’t have to think about the past. The only thing that matters is what’s happening here and now. Once I’m comfy and clean, I make my way back into the living room.

“Come here, stinky.”

I stare at Ben for a long moment. “I literally just showered.”

“Can still smell you. You washed your blockers off. So now you’re stinky.”

I roll my eyes as I get onto the couch, falling forward onto Ben’s chest. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. I can feel the way he breathes in my wet hair, scenting me, but I pretend not to notice. If I notice it he might stop and I don’t want to spook him. I enjoy this more than I care to admit.

We lay like that for a long moment and for the first time today, I feel content. I might have just been fucked five ways to Sunday earlier, but nothing beats this. Sex for me doesn’t really mean anything. I have a level of emotional detachment to it. It’s how I can have sex on camera as my job. It feels so good, and it’sfun. It’s my body enjoying something, the same as someone enjoys working out or going for a run. But it has nomeaningto it.

How could it, when my mate is the one behind the camera?

Ben is unattainable. He’s always just barely out of reach. If I can’t have sex withhimthen why would I have sex with anyone else in a meaningful way? Why not get my rocks off and get paid for it at the same time?

“Just gonna rest my eyes,” I murmur, tucking my head a little lower so I’m more comfortable against his chest.

“Mhmm. Whatever you say. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Love you, Benny,” I whisper, wishing he could understand the magnitude of my words. I might not have him as my mate, but just being here with Ben is enough. Just being near him is good. Having him in my life as my very best friend. Yeah. I can live with this.

“Love you too,” he whispers against my hair as I slowly fall asleep against my best friend’s chest.

CHAPTER FOUR

BEN

“Is that everything?”

Ryder looks at his bags for a long moment. He seems to be checking things off the top of his head before he finally nods. “Yeah! I’m all good to go! Let’s get this shit into the back of the car and get on the road.” I pick up his bags, strapping them on my shoulders and carrying the ones that don’t fit on my back. “I could help!”

“Nope,” I say with a smirk, flexing my arms just a little bit to show off. “Gotta put all this A to good use, Ryder.”

“Oh my god,” Ryder murmurs, shaking his head at me. It’s a fond look, one that I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy.

There’s something exciting and thrilling about embracing the things that make me alpha in front of Ryder. He accepts me for who I am. I don’t have to put up a facade or act more macho than I actually am. That doesn’t stop a little excited thrill going through me at showing off the changes my body has gone through, knowing Ryder will celebrate them just as much as I have. Ever since I started my transition, he’s been there cheering me on. It’s one of the many things I love about him.

When we get to his car, he throws the back door open for me and I tuck everything inside, playing a bit of cargo jenga since my things are already piled inside. I pull my pillow free from the mess, bringing it with me to the passenger seat so I can be extra comfortable for the long trip we have ahead of us.

With that, we’re officially on our way. The idea of going back to our hometown fills me with dread and I try not to think about it too hard. There’s a reason I got away from that place the moment I was old enough to leave. My family is fine. They love me even if they don’t really understand me. Talking to them though is like going to the dentist, a necessary evil. I tell them about my job, they tell me about the neighbor’s farm, and then we say happy birthday or Merry Christmas before hanging up and knowing we won’t speak again until the next major holiday.

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