Page 2 of Our Time

I backtrack faster than I thought possible. “Okay, okay, okay. I’m sorry. No booze for anyone. The Mama gets what the Mama wants.”

Rose snorts, shaking her head at me. “You’re terrible,” she murmurs to herself. “I can’t wait to see him. Youarebringing Ben with you, right?”

“Of course,” I say without needing to think about it. Ben, my best friend since we were kids, is always by my side. He’s always…. Well, he’s here now and that’s what matters. Best friends through and through. Nothing could come between us.

“I bet moving away from this place has helped him a lot. I’m so glad I’m only here until the baby shower and then Dean and I are moving closer to his family. This place is just--” Instead of finishing her sentence, Rose just shakes her head.

She doesn’t really need to say more than that, we both know what that little town in the middle of nowhere is truly like. It’s a place where you need to fit the status quo or it’ll eat you alive and spit you back out. Sure, my mom was always great but the same can’t be said for Ben’s parents or most of the other people in that town. The moment I was old enough to do so, I grabbed Ben and fled as fast as I fucking could. I never regretted that decision. Especially as I look at the man Ben is today. It was the very best thing I could have done for the both of us.

“Yeah,” I say, not really knowing what else to add. I bite my bottom lip, soothed by the click of my piercings tapping my teeth. “Good times.”

“Fuck,” my sister groans out. “I didnotmean to bring the mood down like that. Sorry.”

“Nah, you’re good,” I tell her seriously. “It’s kinda wild to think about sometimes if I’m being honest. Like what life would be like if we’d stayed there.”

Rose looks away for a moment before looking back. “I don’t like to think about it,” she says honestly. “It’s too depressing. This place tried to keep you down and quiet andboring. Ryder, you’re anything but that. You’re bright and you’re loud and you’ve no idea how much I fucking love you. I’m lucky that the universe deemed you worthy of being my big brother.”

“Jesus Christ,” I hiss out at her, cursing the way my cheeks are flaming. “Shut the fuck up.”

“No,” she says with a wide smile. “I love you too much to ever shut the fuck up.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Then more seriously I add, “I love you too, Rose.”

She keeps pulling out bag after bag, showing me all the things she bought for the baby shower. Her excitement makes me happier beyond words can say. There’s decorations and cups and napkins. She’s got boxes and plates and tiny little picnic baskets with soap in them for party favors. This is going to be a day of celebration and joy and I’m honestly looking forward to every second of it and hope she feels special and loved.

My little sister deserves the entire world and seeing her get this fills me with joy. She’s got a loving mate, a baby on the way, a great job. She’s living her dream.

If I’m honest with myself, which I rarely am, there’s a tiny sliver of darkness in my chest that’s jealous as fuck. I want that. I want all of this, the mate and the family. I amso closeto having it all. My fingers trace the mark on my throat before I pull my hand away, clenching my fist at my side. I focus back on my sister, listening to her ramble about this and that.

I’ve always been good at taking that part of me that’s filled with jealousy and longing andneedand packing it away into a little box inside my brain. It gets put in the deepest, darkest closet before the door is closed behind it. I can’t be sad if I just don’tthinkabout all of that, right?

Maybe someday I’ll deal with the baggage hiding in the closet of my mind, but today is not that day and honestly why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

I put a wide smile on my face and focus on my sister.

CHAPTER TWO

BEN

As I standin my bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around my waist, I can’t help but wonder why the fuck I decidedMondaywould be my shot day. Out of all the days I could have picked, I decided starting my week off with my weekly shot would be a good idea. Damn past Ben. He was probably thinking this would start my week off on the right foot but instead I’m wielding a needle with blurry, tired eyes.

I carefully fill my syringe with what I lovingly call A which is the hormone that makes an alpha an alpha. Making sure I’ve got the right amount, I pull the plunger back and switch over to my smaller needle, the one that I use to poke myself with. Making sure there’s no air, I look down at my belly, taking a steadying breath and pinching as much of the fat on my tummy as I can. It’s hard because I’m more toned than I used to be but there’s still the tiniest bit of softness I can pinch.

I use an alcohol pad to clean the area I plan on poking, making sure it’s clean and ready. Finally I push the syringe into my belly, right at the pinched softness before the plunger is going down and pushing the A into my body. I’ve been doing this for years, I have it down to a quick and easy science. As fast as it started, I’m already pulling the syringe away and covering the tiny poked area with a little round Band-Aid.

After taking care of the supplies, putting my vial of alpha hormones away, and depositing my needles into their little red sharps box, I quickly spray myself with my scent blockers. I make sure to cover under my arms, my throat, my chest, and my wrists. Once I know no one will be able to pick up my natural scent, I make my way from the bathroom to my bedroom. I have about thirty minutes before I need to be heading out the door to work so I make quick work of getting dressed.

Skinny jeans, a t-shirt that has a graphic of a couple characters from a popular show I enjoy, and some mismatched socks are my outfit for the day. Completed by a blue flannel over the top of everything. Perfect. I don’t need to dress up since I work behind a camera all day. Not that the people in front of the camera aredressed upeither.

I work at a porn studio operating a camera. A lot of people would give me so much shit, wondering why a guy like me isn’t jumping at the chance to fuck anyone I want, but I’ve always liked being behind the camera. I prefer not to be in the spotlight and I’ve never been a very good muse.

On my way out the door, I stop in the kitchen. My eyes dart to the coffee maker and I pause. My roommate recently moved out and he was always awake before me, starting the coffee pot for the both of us. Christopher found his true mate, an alpha named Parker. Really nice guy, but hedidsteal my roommate. I’m not used to living alone anymore. The apartment feels a little too big. I feel a little too lonely.

I shake my head, reaching into the fridge and snagging a glass of iced coffee I picked up from the gas station for situations just like this. Then I grab a banana off the counter and call it good. If I focus hard enough on my job, just maybe I can ignore the way life feels just a little too big for me at the moment.

Well, I can ignore that feeling as long as Ryder doesn’t have any scenes today.

“Good morning!”

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