Page 20 of Choosing Me

“I can totally do that.” I pick up the bottles, just so my hands have something to do. Nothing feels okay right now. In the span of a few minutes, everything has gotten all twisted up and complicated and I’m helpless to do a damn thing to make it stop. Fuck, my brain is spinning and my stomach is quivering with feelings I don’t really understand.

“Alright, dear. Thanks again for being here.”

“It’s honestly no problem,” I say because it’s the truth. There’s no other place I’d rather be right now and that realizationterrifies me.

She leaves with a promise of a home cooked dinner in the future and I’m left feeling completely off centered, like the rug has literally been pulled from under my feet. I stare at the pictures of us on the fridge, wondering how this could have happened.

Wilson’s mom thinks we’re dating. And as I sit here, thinking about the time we’ve spent together I come to the horrifying realization that wehavebeen.We’ve been dating. This is more than sex. We hang out, we go on dates, we fuck. But I would be lying if I said the sex was just about release. We kiss and touch each other and Jesus Christ, wemake love.

Oh god.

I pull my hair out of its bun, letting my hair fall loose. Fuck, I cannot believe I didn’t notice. How did these feelings sneak up on me? Do I really have feelings for Wilson? Like real, honest to godI’m in lovefeelings?

This was not part of the plan. Ilikebeing independent. Ilikenot having anything tying me down. Oh god, what have I done and why does the thought of actually dating Wilson feel so fuckinggoodinside my chest?

I hate this. Everything feels wrong. Before I came here tonight everything was easy and now it’s complicated and fucked up.

Taking a steadying breath, I walk into the living room, finding Wilson laying on his couch watching TV, his cats laying against him. They must sense he needs the extra cuddles tonight. For a moment I just have to pause and look at him, snuggling with his cats looking sleepy and soft. Why does the sight set my heart alight with fondness?

Fuck.

I have feelings. The kind that make me wanna take care of Wilson, to call him my alpha, to kiss him for the pure reason of wanting to feel close to him.

Oh no.

“Hey,” I say gently, not wanting to spook him. Wilson’s eyes turn towards me and I notice they’re glassy, probably from the pain meds. As best as he can with gauze in his mouth, he smiles at me. The sight makes my chestacheand I wonder how I could have been so goddamn stupid to have missed this forso long. God, I’m a fucking idiot.

“Hi,” he says back, slowly sitting up. “I got my teeth out.”

I smile, coming to sit down next to him. I set the bottles of pills on the table, handing him the glass of water. “I heard. You feeling okay?”

Wilson’s eyes turn back towards me and they’re so big and filled with emotion. “I’m okay,” he murmurs and it’s easy to hear he’s lying.

“You don’t have to put on a brave face. I know you’re hurting.”

He nods. “I am. I hate this,” he tells me, his voice strained. I carefully bring the water to his lips and help him take his pills.

“There you go. Hopefully the pain meds will kick in fast and you’ll get some rest.”

A sigh leaves his lips as he readjusts, putting his head against my chest. I freeze for a moment, feeling overwhelmed as puzzle piece after puzzle piece clicks inside my head, and more importantly inside my heart. But that’s not Wilson’s fault and my alpha-- wait, no,heis hurting. It’s not fair to hurt him further. So I open my arms and let him lay against me, Theodore and Frederick jumping onto the couch again to snuggle their daddy.

“Thank you for being here,” Wilson whispers, his voice strained and when I look down, I see silent tears welling up in his eyes.

“I’ve got you,” I whisper back. He can have me for now, I can be here for him. And when he’s feeling better, I’ll silently slip away so I can figure out what to do next. I run my hand up and down his spine, holding him tight as he slowly falls asleep, his breath evening out. “I’ve got you.” Thefor nowis left unsaid.

Chapter Ten

Wilson

Something’s wrong.Well, maybe wrong isn’t the right word. Something isdifferent.

“How’re you feeling?”

I stare up at my ceiling. If I’m being honest I’m feeling quite sorry for myself right now. My stomach is empty, my mouth aches, and I’m embarrassed that Calvin felt the need to come over and take care of me. It’s hard for me to remember this isn’t serious between us when he does things like this. My head is so confused but my heart is sure of one thing; it belongs to Calvin.

I turn over onto my side, that familiar warmth only Calvin can bring rushing back to my chest as he hands me my meds and a glass of water. “Thank you,” I whisper, sitting up in my bed enough to have a drink and take my meds. Hopefully the pain meds will kick in quickly.

“I’m feeling better than last night.”

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