Page 13 of Ghoul

13

Hazel

My calves burned in protest as I ran up the dirt road and forced them to go faster even though they threatened to give out at any moment. My plan to kill Ghoul was massively messed up by me fucking him. Ever since it happened, I’ve spent each day trying to tell myself I didn’t enjoy how his skin burned against mine and how his wide cock hurt so good. Hence the reason for me pushing my idiotic body far beyond its normal zone of endurance.

My brain and the rest of my body needed to get on the same page. I wasn’t supposed to actually like being around him, and I definitely did not expect to appreciate his body as much as I did. The plan to kill him was still in place, but it was a little off course. I needed to figure out a reason for me to show up at the clubhouse unannounced, which would not draw suspicions to me. It wasn’t as if we exchanged numbers or anything, so texting or calling him was out of the question.

It was Saturday night, and it had officially been three months since I had seen him. I needed to get into a better headspace than I was when I left the morning after meeting him. My thoughts still weren’t where I wanted them to be, but if I didn’t force myself to return now, I never would. The second clear problem was I had drug my feet long enough that he may have lost interest in me. In actuality, I didn’t know if he ever gave us being together a second thought, which was fine. It wasn’t like I was going to cry if he didn’t like me, he didn’t have to for me to carry out my plan.

The plan I was so sure of until spending time around him. I hated how gorgeous of a man he was, and how distracting his ice-blue eyes were. I have always had a weakness for things that were abnormal. He didn’t get the dominant trait of brown eyes like I had. It would have made things a lot easier if he did. I didn’t know why I expected him to look different than the mugshot. Perhaps it was all the nightmares he had been in over the years that caused my memory to remember him as ugly. Maybe it was denial, and I refused to think someone as stunning as he was capable of such horrific acts. Was I really that much different than him, though? If it hadn’t been my dad that he killed, I questioned if I would even give a second thought to us hooking up. I didn’t know his reasoning behind murdering Dad, but I knew he gave me the desire to kill him. As idiotic as it was, I told myself I would figure out his motive before committing the same thing I had spent the better part of my life hating him for. It wasn’t like I wished to be his best friend or anything, but I needed to understand now more than ever why he did it.

The urge to puke crept up my throat, my pace came to a comfortable walk, and I slumped onto the ground. Regardless of how much I wanted to push myself, I had reached my max. Again, another situation where my brain and body weren’t on the same page. Holding my heaving side, I gagged and reached for my water bottle, guzzling a few mouthfuls and immediately regretted my choice. The water, along with sour bile, shot out of my body and splattered in front of me.

“Great,” I groaned, shaking my head, and got to my feet, making my way down the hill. There were advantages of being in the same place for a long time, even if I had wished we had never left West Virginia. There weren’t many well-known spots in Cleveland that I didn’t know about. There were places I had never been, that was evident, but I was pretty familiar with the majority of the area.

I took a slow pace across the road, and dropped into the grass, breathing in the scenery. After Dad died, I just kind of found myself here and have kept the tradition of coming here whenever I needed to clear my head and often when I wanted to talk to him. There wasn’t anything about this place that made it special. Dad and I hadn’t shared an unforgettable moment here or anything like that, it was simply the bodies of water always seemed to calm me for as long as I can remember. One of my earliest memories was getting lost in the woods back home in West Virginia with my new friend, Meghan. When Dad found us, we were by the lake. I didn’t even know how I could recall it. I couldn’t have been more than three or four-years-old. The details of how we got separated from my parents weren’t completely clear, but the one thing I didn’t forget was how terrified I was that we would get in trouble. It was Meghan’s idea for us to go exploring, and even when I wanted to turn back, she kept insisting we would be safe if we could just go a little further each time. I guess that was why this place brought me peace, she was right. Once we reached the water, we were eventually found and, by proxy, safe. When I was here, I wasn’t scared of what the next day would hold or how I would get there. Maybe that was why this place brought me comfort. I kept pushing through life, and when I was here, I felt closer to Dad. Perhaps, I was waiting for him to come and find me again.

“Dad, I did it. I finally talked to him. I didn’t come sooner because I was ashamed. I wasn’t strong enough to take him down that day, but I will find the strength to honor your name. It might take me some time, but I promise I will get to the bottom of this. I know that’s what you would want me to do anyway. It’s hard to think he might have had a justifiable reason to take you away from me.” My words floated across the lake, while tears streaked down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe I was even considering that my dad had done something deserving of losing his life. That couldn’t be the truth, could it? It was maddening to not understand why things happened. I shook my head and wiped my fingertips underneath my eyes and harshly down my cheeks, mad at myself for letting all of this get to me. I concentrated on my breathing and closed my eyes. The only noises were the random car passing on the freeway up the hill and the trill of insects. I wished all of this could be simple. Actually, that was not the truth at all. It would have been seamless if none of it had happened, then life would make sense. I told myself I was sure of it, that everything would have been perfect, but I was lying to myself.

A bug buzzed past my head and landed on the water. Within seconds, a large opening widened, and a fish swallowed the unsuspecting insect before it had a chance to do anything else. It was defenseless and may not have known what was happening until it met death. I wondered if I would find the strength to be the fish or if I had fed myself lies for years, and I had always been the bug. Only time would tell, but I really prayed to be the predator and not the prey. It was possible Ghoul would find me out and slit my throat without a second thought as he had my dad. I wondered if death would bring me the peace I had chased for so many years. It was morbid and depressing to think in that manner, but eventually, it was bound to cross my mind. Honestly, I was surprised I hadn’t considered it more than I had. It was undeniable that I wanted to avenge Dad, but my bones were brittle, and my body was exhausted from the stress of carrying that crippling weight for ten years.

I decided at that moment I would stop feeling sorry for myself and take my ass to the clubhouse to face him. The biggest thing he could do would be to reject me, and I would have to find another method of getting him alone. It wasn’t what I wanted to happen, but the one I had planned to stick to was not exactly panning out for me either. I needed answers to figure out how to move forward, and I wasn’t going to get any of them avoiding Ghoul. Regardless of whether I wanted to be in his presence or trusted myself around him, it no longer mattered. I was tired of hiding from the world because it was easier to accept. Putting myself in the middle of everything was harder, and I wasn’t sure if I would like the answers I found if I went digging for them. It didn’t really matter, though. I had been obsessed with settling things with Ghoul for years, so giving up now wasn’t an option, either. Sure, I might be okay with it for a little while, but it was undeniable I would never be happy until I figured this all out.

* * *

When I pulled up to the clubhouse, there were four motorcycles outside. They were all alike in the sense they had two wheels and handlebars, but little details stuck out that made them differ. I wondered which one was Ghoul’s. He didn’t strike me as the flashy type, he seemed more conservative. I considered slashing all the tires and getting back in my car, but I wasn’t a teenager anymore. If I was going to do something, it was going to be epic. Shoving a knife into tires didn’t quite scream, “You killed my dad, and this is payback.”

My hand shook as I raised it to knock on the door, not sure how one actually went about getting in here. I assumed it was just like any other door but had no idea if there was some secret rhythm I needed to tap out correctly to get their attention. I ended up going with the shave and a haircut knock; it was better than the alternative—a loud cop knock as I had heard it referred to as for most of my life.

“The fuck?” one of the brothers’ voices questioned from inside the building.

“Are you expecting anyone?” another asked, his voice louder than the first.

“Don’t bother to move and see who the fuck is out there,” the voice I recognized as Ghoul’s said in a gruff tone, clearly not happy with his brothers. “I got it.”

The clicking of a metallic lock aligning and unlocking was the next thing coming from the other side of the door, and then the doorknob turned. “Can I help you?” His eyebrows furrowed together before his facial features softened once he recognized me. “You lost, Ginger?”

My heartbeat pounded behind my eardrums, and a smile crept onto my face. I wasn’t sure if I was glad to see him alive so I could eventually have the satisfaction of killing him after I found everything out or if my head was so messed up, I really was happy to see him. Maybe I had some fucked up form of Stockholm’s Syndrome. He may have never physically kidnapped me but had unknowingly been my captor for years now.

“Nope.”

“How can I help you?” he asked in a relaxed voice, leaning his back against the doorframe and pressing his palm against the metal door.

My throat went dry, and my tongue stuck to the inside of my lower lip. I should have rehearsed what I was going to say, that was if I had any clue what it happened to be. I’d been so wrapped up into my thoughts that I didn’t consider having to explain my being here. My eyes widened as I looked up at him and continued to remain speechless.

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