Page 49 of Chaos

34

Drex

Day 389

Walking awayfrom her to give her the privacy she needed, I knew I’d regret it. I’d promised I wouldn’t see her. I’d only come to ask for their forgiveness, which was something I couldn’t ask of her. I wouldn’t be selfish with her again.

Trying to wipe the mud from my palms onto my jeans was useless; it was just rubbing it deeper into the lines on my skin. This of all things unhinged me. I wanted to remain selfless, but let’s face it. I was and always would be a dick.

“Eris?” I turned to face her, rolling up my sleeve to expose my newest tattoo, the word “Chaos” on my inner forearm.

“Mhm,” she faintly answered, wiping the tears from her eyes and unintentionally smearing more mud onto her cheeks.

With a deep breath, I tried to prepare myself for what would come, but how do you prepare for the unknown? You can’t. It’s simple as that. The missing pieces inside me loved the broken ones within her. I’d spent months feeling more loneliness than I’d ever thought one person could endure. I’d never questioned being alone before her. In fact, I preferred it.

“Before you, I thought my life was over. I was just biding time as you put it,” I admitted, remembering what she’d told me. “I was miserable,” I added, taking two steps closer to her and she took one to meet me, our fingers intertwining as soon as they were within reach of each other’s. “It took me losing what I cared about most to know true heartache. We fight and I know tragedy brought us together, but a life without you,” I took her hands into my palms, rubbing my fingers along her knuckles, “isn’t worth living. We’re like this mud and the flowers beneath it. Looking at it without the story, you only see its ugliness. The rawness of it. But, knowing what it stands for, the love that brought it together. The mud. The flowers. The love. And us. It’s beautifully chaotic. All of it.”

My pulse bounded within my throat with fear of her reaction. Eris and I didn’t have an epic novel of romance. It was impossible with me holding the lead male role. However, there were enough underlying flashes of an unforgettable love story beneath our beautiful tragedy, even I saw that. Perhaps two lonely people did hold the strength to complete the emptiness left in their souls by heartache, if only given a chance.

Her mouth crashed into mine, and we kissed because we missed each other. Before, I loved her silently, and now I planned to love her out loud. Without restraint or judgment. My only wish was to give her a love that consumed her.

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